Dear Eric: I am ashamed to admit it, but I hate my three stepchildren. The daughter is the prime antagonist. Let’s call her Mabel. She is the overwhelming example of a narcissistic personality: self-absorbed, dramatic, unable to walk in anyone else’s shoes.
At first, her young brothers were much more welcoming to me, but they were always standoffish when their sister was present. Not even a smile when the self-anointed queen bee was there.
Unfortunately, all hell broke loose when my husband and I had to have unexpected major surgery in the same week. Despite our wish to be surrounded by family during our recovery, Mabel had every excuse under the sun why she couldn’t visit or help out.
Yet, she called her dad every day to ask him many personal questions related to our finances and her expected inheritance.
This hurt my husband and me to the core. He’s always been a devoted father.
No matter how I documented how rude and mean his children were being, my husband couldn’t man up. He’d ask me, “What am I to do? I don’t want to alienate them by begging them to be kinder to you. I love you, but don’t ask me to choose.”
I told him that the problem is I cannot stand to be in the same room as her.
Do you think my stand is too harsh? I welcome your thoughts on how I might mend this situation before it spirals further out of control.
—Not the Wicked Stepmother
Dear Stepmother: Your husband’s fear that he’ll alienate his children by asking them to be kinder to you is frustrating — kindness, or even civility, is not a hard ask, and it’s often imperative in blended families for a parent to set an expectation and manage complicated emotions.
But, for better or worse, this is the relationship he has with his children. So, you’ll find more peace by accepting that you have a separate relationship. You may not be able to get away with not being in the same room as Mabel, but putting up a healthy internal boundary may look like being cordial but uninvolved.
This may also mean putting away the document of offenses. Your goal isn’t to convince your husband his kids are mean. Your goal is to keep whatever is going on between them from bleeding into your relationship with him.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
