Dear Eric: Recently I decided not to attend a holiday gathering with family members I’ve joined for decades, and instead hosted my cousins from the other side of the family who have been very kind to me over the years. I wound up unhappy.
No sooner than I offered, they decided on the menu, even though I had already placed an order. After the fact, they told me what they couldn’t eat or drink and what they would bring.
Well, I got ready and they brought food I didn’t expect or make arrangements for. They didn’t help with some cleanup and did not include me in conversation. And to top it off, turned the TV on to watch a football game.
My other family had not done that in more than 50 years. I am still steaming. Should I let it pass or just not issue an invitation or accept theirs and resume going to the other family? What do you think?
—Upset Hostess
Dear Upset Hostess: These guests don’t seem very gracious or grateful at all. Perhaps it’s a quirk of personality but it’s fair to expect more. A generous interpretation suggests they were just making themselves at home and their version of “at home” has some rough edges that clash with your sense of hospitality.
Either way, this doesn’t seem like a good fit for a holiday gathering. Don’t let it stick in your craw, though. Consider it a “you live and learn” situation. Next year, you can resume the tradition that works for you. If the cousins extend an invitation, you can gratefully decline, citing your other plans. If you have a desire, perhaps suggest an alternative way of connecting that’s less likely to cause consternation.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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