Dear Eric: I don’t know if this is an issue with others, or if I’m just over-sensitive. My partner and I have several pets and we’ve been together for many years. She frequently gushes to them, “I love you. I love you!!!”
This is great, but she never says this to me. Am I being a wimp because I would like some of the same affection?
—Second Best
Dear Best: If it’s wimpy to want to know that we’re loved, then every single one of us on Earth is a wimp. It’s good that you’re feeling your feelings and you’ve been able to identify a need.
Remember, however, that love for pets is different from love for a partner. (Not necessarily lesser—just different.) So, you’re not in competition with your partner’s pets nor should you think of her declarations of love as a personal affront.
Instead, talk with her about the ways you express love for each other. Maybe she thinks of herself as showing love in other ways, like through actions or gestures. Maybe she doesn’t know that you’d like to hear those three big words sometimes, too. And ask yourself if you’re telling her that you love her, too. Then try out ways of expressing love that you both can hear, receive, and feel good about. It may take some trial and error. But remember, no matter how long you’ve been together, it’s never too late to make an adjustment as the relationship changes and grows.
Dear Eric: Yesterday I was riding my bicycle to the Newport Beach City Hall to get a new parking pass for my car. I was standing next to my bicycle by the entrance when an earnest, polite young lady came up to me and engaged me in a conversation.
She asked me if I was homeless and needed a referral to a shelter. I’m a retired 72-year-old lawyer living on Balboa Island, riding a $5,000 bicycle in my cycle clothes.
What’s an appropriate response? Should I get angry? Should I question her motives? Should I be supportive to her? Should I dress better?
—Puzzled Cyclist
Dear Cyclist: An appropriate response in this case would be, “Are you affiliated with an organization that helps people experiencing homelessness? Because I have the means to contribute, and I’d like to be of service to my community.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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