Dear Amy: I’m in my mid-20s and have been living with my folks, post-college, while I save money to move out on my own. I sleep (and mainly live) in my childhood bedroom. I work in a restaurant, so I eat most of my meals out. I pay $350 a month to my mother to rent my room.
I bring home a fair amount of cash from tips. Because of that, and honestly because I suspected my mom was going through and occasionally borrowing my things, I installed a camera which is connected to my phone.
Long story short – I saw my mother enter my room and engage in what I would call basic “snooping” behavior. Reading stuff that was on my desk, looking at bills, looking in my closet.
I was sort of creeped-out but not surprised. I asked her about it the next day and she was highly offended that I had installed the camera. She insisted that I remove it because it is “her house.”
I’m frustrated and would like your take on this.
– Dutiful Daughter
Dear Daughter: It might be your mother’s house, but you are renting a room from her, and this should be your private space, because you are paying for it. (And she should respect your privacy, regardless.)
I think it might be time to get a lock on your door.
Understand that this whole episode could very likely lead her to ask you to move out.
You might be able to rent a room elsewhere for a price close to the one you are paying. Your mom would probably respect the validity of your rental agreement if she tried to evict you.
Dear Amy: “K” expressed the desire to visit a former lover from many decades ago, while the woman was currently in a nursing home.
Thank you for encouraging K to ask if this was OK. I cannot imagine a more stressful thing for family members than a complete stranger showing up and expecting to visit.
– Been There
Dear Been There: This idea was mainly serving “K’s” interests.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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