The holidays can be difficult for families caring for someone with dementia, and that’s something Emma Heming Willis, the wife of Bruce Willis, knows all too well.
Heming Willis detailed how the holidays present their own set of challenges for her family due to her husband’s battle with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) in a recent blog post entitled, “The Holidays Look Different Now.”
“One of the hardest parts of the holidays as a caregiver is the pressure, both external and internal, to make everything feel ‘normal,’” Heming Willis wrote in the post on Dec. 20.
“We’re surrounded by images of what the holidays are supposed to look like — perfectly decorated homes, lighthearted gatherings, smiling faces captured in matching pajamas,” the advocate continued. “Even when we know these images are curated, they can still create a sense of failure and extra loss when our reality doesn’t match. When dementia is part of your family, ‘normal’ becomes a moving target.”
Bruce Willis was first diagnosed with aphasia in 2022, which progressed to a frontotemporal dementia diagnosis in February 2023. The brain disorder causes damage to the frontal and temporal lobes, resulting in personality changes and difficulty with language or speech, according to Alzheimer’s Association.
Heming Willis — who shares daughters Mabel, 13, and Evelyn, 11 with the retired actor — recalled past holidays when her husband was “at the center of it all,” from making pancakes for breakfast to playing with their children in the snow.
“There was comfort in the routine of knowing exactly how the day would go, especially since I’m a creature of habit,” she wrote. ”Dementia doesn’t erase those memories. But it does create space between then and now. And that space can ache.”
As Heming Willis has taken on tasks that her husband would normally tackle, she found herself “harmlessly cursing Bruce’s name,” adding, “Not because I’m mad at him, never that, but because I miss the way he once led the holiday charge.”
She continued, “For a long time, I wanted the holidays to remain exactly as they were, as if this might protect us from what was happening. But I’m learning that flexibility isn’t giving up. It’s adapting. It’s choosing compassion and reality over perfection. It’s understanding that meaning doesn’t live in the size of the gathering or the polish of the day. It lives in presence.”
Furthermore, Heming Willis acknowledged that families can still make new memories under these rather dire circumstances.
“There’s a silent fear many caregivers carry; ‘If I make new memories, I’m letting go of the old ones.’ But making new memories doesn’t erase what came before. It doesn’t diminish the love or the history you share. It simply acknowledges that life is unfolding differently now,” she wrote.
“This holiday season, our family will still unwrap gifts and sit together at breakfast. But instead of Bruce making our favorite pancakes, I will,” Heming Willis wrote. “We’ll put on a holiday movie. There will be laughter and cuddles. And there will almost certainly be tears because we can grieve and make room for joy. The joy doesn’t cancel out the sadness. The sadness doesn’t cancel out the joy. They coexist.”
The actress-model noted that she wrote the post for others who are also “caring for someone they love and holding a lot at once” this holiday season.
“There’s no denying that the holidays are different now. But different doesn’t mean empty. It doesn’t mean broken. It doesn’t mean devoid of meaning. There is still connection. There is still love. There is still joy to be had,” she concluded. “If this season feels heavy for you, please know that you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. And there is no single ‘right’ way to move through this time of year when dementia is part of your life. There is only your way. And that is enough.”
