Visiting Salem in October for Halloween: Tourist trap or bad rap?

SALEM — Don’t do it. Don’t go to Salem in October.

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, it can’t be that bad.” “It’ll be fun.” “We’ll make a day of it.” “We’ll go when it’s less busy.”

1) It is. 2) It won’t. 3) You can try. 4) Not by Halloween, you won’t.

Salem is a gorgeous city full of history, wonderfully spooky attractions, fun activities and some delightful options for dining.

October might just be the best time of year in New England.

You know what else is great? Cats and dogs. Diet Coke and Mentos. The Seattle Mariners and the MLB postseason.

I think all these things are wonderful. However, I cannot stress how important it is to keep these things separate.

Salem in October is all the worst parts about walking around Boston combined with going to Times Square. The cobblestones are all trying to destroy your ankles and the only activity that doesn’t have a line is walking around aimlessly while you sweat through your jacket.

To demonstrate this point, I made the ill-advised decision to go to Salem, Massachusetts within 10 days of Halloween. These are my findings.

What’s it like visiting Salem in October?

When people say “Going to Salem” around Halloween, they usually mean visiting the historic downtown and some surrounding areas.

The crowds are typically centered around the Essex Street Pedestrian Mall. Going from the Bewitched Sculpture at Town House Square to the Witch City Mall, it’s an eldritch nightmare of baby strollers, cosplayers and people looking down at their phones to try and find where to go.

There’s also a maze of side streets around the Old Town Hall and a hub of attractions on Liberty Street.

Much of it is closed to car traffic and is easily walkable.

But here’s the bad news: There is no parking to be found anywhere.

In order to truly capture the madness of the city in October, I drove to Salem with no plan and no parking booked. I circled the city only to find every lot and garage fully packed. My only saving grace was finding a random street spot in front of a place called Witch City Hibachi.

Here’s the good news: There are legions of porta-potties stationed throughout the city.

You might not want to use a porta-potty that’s yards away from a fried dough truck and a giant slide set up on the city common. But with how bad the lines are, you’re not really going to have a choice.

Want to go to a restaurant? Too bad. Even at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday, you’re going to find a line going out the door everywhere from the Ugly Mug Diner to the Lobster Shanty.

Meanwhile, there’s really no huge benefit to going to Salem around Halloween.

Spoiler alert: Salem is always wonderful and spooky

You see that cube? That’s the centerpiece of “Intersection,” an art installation at the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem. For me, it’s more magical than any Halloween-themed scenery in the city.

It’s there year-round, so are all the tours and museums. But if you go to Salem in October, you’re probably not going to get a chance to see it. Instead, you’ll be stuck looking for parking or wasting time.

If you’re a fan of the spookier slices of life, then Salem might be the perfect destination. Go see filming locations from “Bewitched.” Check out the Salem Witch Museum, ghost tours and haunted houses.

Further away from downtown, there are a ton of great activities. Go make your own witch’s broom or leatherbound book at The Witchery. Grab a beer at Notch Brewery (with a view of the water) or at Bit Bar (with lots of arcade games).

So, is it a tourist trap, or does it have a bad rap?

My verdict: It’s a tourist trap — but only if you go in October.

You know what you’re missing? Witch hat-clad bachelorette parties rampaging the streets and families cutting you in line to take a picture with the Bewitched statue.

Sure, there’s an added level of ambience with the spooky decorations. But you know what else has that in October? Pretty much every city and town.

There are street performers who show up on the street. But you’re not missing much. You’ll find a violinist in a spooky mask performing next to someone in an inflatable Stitch costume. If you’re lucky, you’ll also see The Joker chatting with a cigarette-wielding Jesus performer.

So unless you really want to dodge an oblivious mob of people with baby strollers and goldendoodles to do a tour or visit a museum that’s open year-round, you’re better off waiting.

What to know about going to Salem in October

Don’t. Go some other time.