She lost her mom and brother to domestic violence. This is her next step

WILBRAHAM — Nearly a year ago, Sophie Pariseau was gripped by an overwhelming feeling of dread.

Although she and her mother, Sima Pariseau, lived on opposite sides of the country, they spoke multiple times a day, often anticipating the other’s thoughts. Sophie Pariseau liked to say they were the same person.

Last June, two days before Pariseau, her mom and older brother were to meet in Seattle for a hiking trip, she texted her mother, but didn’t get a reply. Dread began to set in. She also tried calling her brother, Dylan Pariseau, to no avail.

“I knew they were dead,” Pariseau said during a recent interview in her hometown of Wilbraham. “My friends told me I was being crazy, but I just had this visceral reaction.”

The awful discovery

Tragically, her instincts were right. Police discovered Sima and Dylan Pariseau fatally shot in their home at 851 Main St. on June 18, 2024. They were in the basement. Sima’s estranged partner, Peter Donaldson, was found on an upper floor, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Investigators determined they had been dead for two days. Donaldson had been struggling with depression, friends of the couple have said. But Sophie Pariseau said she and others who knew him – including her mother and brother – never dreamed Donaldson would turn a gun on them.

“I knew they had broken up and I knew he wasn’t doing well,” said Pariseau. “He wasn’t getting help from a professional.”

To mark the one-year anniversary of the killings, Pariseau, 25, of San Diego, California, has been the lead organizer of a charity walk called 3.3 Miles For Change. The walk will kick off June 14 at Fountain Park in Wilbraham. The walk begins at 10 a.m. with registration at 9. All proceeds will be donated to the YWCA of Western Massachusetts to support the agency’s work with victims of domestic violence.

The YWCA provides shelter and other services for victims of domestic violence including, oftentimes, their small children.

“Early on, I knew I wanted to do something to honor my mother and my brother,” Pariseau said. “But the more I thought about it, my goal was also to raise money for victims and survivors of domestic violence.”

Through pre-registrations and sponsorships, the event has already raised $65,000.

The unlikeliest victims

“I never thought something like this would happen to my mother and my brother,” Pariseau said.

Sima Pariseau was 56 when she was killed. A native of Wilbraham who stayed to raise a family, she was well-loved by a tight group of friends, served on the board of directors at her church and volunteered in the juvenile court system, advocating for children caught in the system. She kept a beautiful home and gardens.

Dylan Pariseau was 27 when he died. He was a research scientist in Boston with a bright future and fun-loving spirit, his younger sister said. Although the two squabbled as children, they became close as young adults. He was an avid sports fan who had carved out lifelong friendships.

Sima Pariseau and Donaldson had been dating for about seven years before things began to spiral when his mental health took a downturn.

“He was going through a lot in his personal life and that was exacerbated by his mental health problems,” Pariseau said.

Pariseau works as a coordinator for volunteers who advocate for children in the foster system and has held previous jobs in mental health. She noted that Donaldson was among many men who refused to seek treatment. She believes men’s mental health does not receive enough attention.

Widely accepted statistics in the mental health field show men die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women.

About 40% of men do not discuss their mental health with anyone, according to Dr. Jalil Johnson, senior vice president of medical services at the Center for Human Development.

“One of the biggest issues is stigma and it’s cross-cultural,” Johnson said. “Men tend to have fear and shame, embarrassment, guilt, isolation. They fear they may seem weak or as a failure.”

After decades of being involved in both group and individual treatment, Johnson said men are two to three times more likely to die of alcohol or substance abuse.

“There’s also this cowboy culture of not being sick, but being strong and powerful and successful, which may prevent men from seeking mental health services,” Johnson said.

Men may hide their struggles from their closest circle, he said, going so far as to lie about it and feign being happy when they’re really suffering. Some men will turn to self-harm or violence if their mental health struggles go unaddressed.

“It tends to fester and the problems grow or intensify,” Johnson said, adding a plea for men struggling with mental illness to take the initial step of talking to a friend or professional.

Picking up the pieces

Sophie Pariseau has channeled a lot of her energy into the charity walk, an event she once considered unattainable. In terms of her mother’s and brother’s deaths, she believes she still has much to process.

Now an only child, she maintains a close relationship with her father, who lives in Springfield. The sale of her mother’s home behind her, she is left to focus on emotional fallout.

When it comes to what Donaldson did, she said she is not consumed by anger.

“For all those who are angry, I get it. I’m just not an angry person,” Pariseau said.

Instead, Pariseau says she remains hungry for more details of what happened on that terrible day.

“I’m the type of person who needs answers. I was asking a lot of questions. I still am. But there are things I’m never going to know,” she said.

Because the only people who really know were the three people in her mother’s house that day, she added.

This post was originally published on this site