Tom Brady helped develop a new line of GOAT Gummies (a play on his “Greatest of All Time” acronym nickname).
The gummies are a little weird in texture, strangely confusing, a little expensive and impossible to get if you don’t live in certain cities.
But other than that, they’re actually pretty good. Although, I was a little disappointed they weren’t shaped like actual goats. They’re shaped like stars instead.
The former New England Patriots quarterback is famous for his dietary restrictions as a player. He believes tomatoes promote inflammation. He drinks a bonkers amount of water. He doesn’t eat strawberries. But that’s only because he thinks they taste awful.
He’s also famous for championing some unusual alternatives to unhealthy food. I should know. I’ve eaten avocado ice cream and coconut bacon because of this madman.
Despite Brady’s penchant for wild nutritional advice, these gummies are not loaded weird like pea protein, CBD oil or Andean quinoa extract.
The packaging stresses that the GOAT Gummies are vegan and made in France. But ultimately, they’re just candy, believe it or not.
Tom Brady GOAT Gummies | Review
Brady’s GOAT Gummies fit the profile of the expensive, pseudo-healthy desserts and candy that I feel compelled to buy whenever I stumble into a Whole Foods Market. But actually buying these things is strangely restricted.
The GOAT Gummies are the product of a partnership between Brady and Gopuff, a quick-delivery company to focuses on food and other grocery store-type products.
Here’s the issue: You can only get these via Gopuff, which only delivers to certain areas.
That’s great if you live in a city like Boston or New York City. But if you’re in somewhere like Worcester (or most of New England), you’re probably out of luck.
For those who can get them delivered, you’re looking at paying $4.99 for a pouch of about 24 gummies. Currently, there are three different varieties: Sweet Rush, Sour Burst and Tropic Fusion.
What flavors are in each bag? Want to know what flavor a certain gummy is? Too bad! You’ve gotta work for that information.
For some reason, the pouch doesn’t really list the flavors.
In order to find out, you can either A) check the Gopuff website, or B) check the ingredients list for items like “natural pear flavor” and “natural cherry flavor.”
Jokes aside, here’s the list from the Gopuff website:
- Sweet Rush: Pear, Mango, Passion Fruit, Cherry
- Sour Burst: Tangerine, Apricot, Grapefruit
- Tropic Fusion: Passion Fruit, Raspberry, Pomegranate
While the flavors are technically disclosed on the package, have fun trying to guess which colored gummy belongs to which flavor. That part is a complete mystery.
What do they taste like?
Flavor-wise, these are pretty good gummies. Unlike your standard gummy bears or worms, these have noticeably distinct flavors. If you eat a tangerine gummy, you’re going to get a buzz of citrus. If you get a mango one, you’re going to get a sweet, lush hit of flavor.
The weird part is the texture. These gummies are a little toothsome. It’s less like a gummy bear and more like a gumdrop in terms of gummy resistance.
It reminded me of biting into a piece of potato that isn’t cooked all the way. It’s pleasantly chewy on the outside, but each bite requires just a little more force than I expect it to.
Tropic Fusion (Passion Fruit, Raspberry, Pomegranate) – This was the best of the three varieties. You get really nice tart, lush flavors that a closer to actual fruit juice than anything like a Fruit Gusher. You get some surprisingly potent buzzes of flavor from the passion fruit. The pomegranate and raspberry had delightfully deep notes of tartness.
I’m still confused why mango wasn’t included in this pouch. To me, this is an odd collection of flavors for “tropic fusion.” It’s like calling a cheeseburger “Asian fusion” because there’s some sriracha sauce on it.
Sweet Rush (Pear, Mango, Passion Fruit, Cherry) – I hope you like passion fruit, because it’s included in all the non-sour varieties.
These flavors were OK. They were more mellow and generally sweet.
What really confused me was that there was no red-colored gummy. How can you claim that cherry is a flavor and not include a red gummy? Does Tom Brady not know candy law?
If it’s not red, you can’t make it cherry-flavored. I believe Charlie Bucket passed that law in British Parliament in the ’60s.
Sour Burst (Tangerine, Apricot, Grapefruit) – Sour candies aren’t my first choice. But I really liked these – probably because they aren’t very sour at all.
You get a little bit of tang and tart with the gritty Sour Patch Kids-inspired sugar on the outside. After that, it opens up into a cleaner, sweeter flavor.
The tangerine gummy was the star here. It lets out some particularly potent citrus notes.
So is it any good?
Surprisingly, yes.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to order these. There’s nothing here that can’t be accomplished by grabbing a bag of Haribo Gummy Bears or Sour Patch Kids.
But in terms of healthy candy, this gets a thumbs up. I’d eat a bowl of these if someone left them out at a party.
Want more “I Ate It” food coverage? You can follow Nick on Instagram (@NickAteIt) and TikTok (also @NickAteIt)
“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we’re sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com. Please send all criticisms and questions about Tom Brady’s hate for strawberries to pdoyle@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here.
