Overall, Burger King’s now SpongeBob SquarePants meal is one of the most impressive fast-food movie tie-ins I’ve seen. There’s just one problem.
They refused to make a show-accurate Krabby Patty.
Burger King is now the second major fast-food burger chain (along with Wendy’s) to make a SpongeBob-themed burger, but it doesn’t actually give people a Krabby Patty as described on the show.
This time around, it’s Burger King selling a Krabby “Whopper,” which is just a normal Whopper with a bun that’s been dyed yellow.
This thing is outrageously yellow. When I see it, I feel like I need to step on the gas before the light turns red. I’m getting ready for it to pick up kids on the way to burger school. Part of me wonders if I can hail this thing and ask for a taxi ride to the airport.
The worst part is that I can’t be that mad at Burger King. How could I, when they are also offering Cheesy Bacon Tots?
It’s like how I can’t be all that mad at the Star Wars franchise. Sure, I’ll probably never watch the final movie ever again. But “The Mandalorian” and “Andor” were really good. It could be a lot worse.
Burger King SpongeBob Meal | Review
There are four elements to the SpongeBob Meal. You can get all four in one combo by ordering the “Bikini Bottom Bundle,” which comes with a cool pineapple box.
- Mr. Krabs’ Cheesy Bacon Tots
- SpongeBob’s Krabby Whopper
- Pirate’s Frozen Pineapple Float
- Patrick’s Star-berry Shortcake Pie.
Overall, it’s pretty good, except for two things. First, the Pineapple Float doesn’t taste good. Second, the whole concept of the Krabby Whopper is problematic.
Come on, Burger King. You’re a burger restaurant and selling a SpongeBob SquarePants meal. How do you not just make a Krabby Patty?
This should have been a lay-up. I haven’t seen someone screw up this badly since Skype somehow lost control of the video conferencing market. Seriously, how did Zoom beat them?
The SpongeBob SquarePants cartoon clearly outlines how to make a Krabby Patty. It’s “a patty on a bun with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles and top bun together in that order.”
Instead of doing that (and some secret ingredient), Burger King decided to put mayonnaise on their Krabby Whopper. They also decided to claim that it’s a “yellow square bun” that draws its color from “natural spice.”
In the promotional pictures, the bun looks square-ish. But the one I got? It’s just a regular bun.
What does it taste like?
Complaints about Krabby Patty integrity aside, the food in this promotional meal is actually pretty cool and tasty. Let’s break it down:
SpongeBob’s Krabby Whopper — Let’s get this out of the way. It’s a normal Whopper with a bun that’s dyed yellow. Nothing new here.
Mr. Krabs’ Cheesy Bacon Tots — Oh no. These are a problem. I can’t be left unsupervised around these. I will eat 50 of them. You will have to take me out of this Burger King in a wheelbarrow.
These are delightfully crunchy and flavorful little croquettes that are loaded with cheese and bacon. Honestly, there’s not much potato in there, which is a ringing endorsement of how much cheese and bacon goodness you get in each bite.
Patrick’s Star-berry Shortcake Pie — This is pretty reminiscent of those Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake Bars you’d get from the ice cream truck. It’s a bright pop of artificial yet pleasant strawberry-and-cream flavor. You also get a nice wave of buttery shortbread flavor from the crust.
The color of the pie is a little jarring. But it’s really just strawberries and cream.
Pirate’s Frozen Pineapple Float — This tastes like a pineapple is yelling at me over a subway intercom. It’s garbled and distorted. But I can tell what it is — and it’s angry.
The pineapple is sharp, sweet and abrasive. You get a layer of generic cream-ish nonsense on top. Underneath, you get a slushy yellow iceberg. At the bottom, it’s a thick layer of too-sweet pineapple syrup.
You know how artificial banana flavor is always a bit weird? This is the pineapple equivalent of that. It tries to convince you that it’s the flavor by throwing a water balloon of crayon-yellow sugar water at your face.
So is it any good?
The Cheesy Bacon Tots are awesome. The Star-berry Shortcake Pie is pretty good. The Krabby Whopper is just a normal Whopper with food coloring.
The Pineapple Float is junk. It might be better if it were melted a little and properly mixed. But the fact that it’s being released in early December — when it’s too cold to properly melt — really doesn’t help, does it?
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“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we’re sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com. Please send all criticisms and thoughts about canonically correct SpongeBob SquarePants recipes to tsanzo@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here.
