FOXBOROUGH – Standing in the doorway of his young assistant’s office, Mike Vrabel threatened to call Ashton Grant’s wife.
Grant had been going over his offseason day’s work, when the Patriots head coach stopped by.
Vrabel told Grant to leave. Accustomed to the long hours expected of younger coaches, Grant thought Vrabel was kidding. The Patriots were in the offseason, but there was work to be done.
That’s when Vrabel threatened to call his wife.
“I was a little shocked. I thought he was joking,” said Grant, who has a 2-year-old daughter and a second child on the way. “He was like, ‘No, Ashton, go home before I call your wife and tell her to come pick you up.’ I said, ‘All right, cool.’”
A veteran coach of 15 seasons after playing 14 NFL seasons, Vrabel understands the importance coaches being there for their wives and kids when you can. Under that hard-ass demeanor is a warm heart.
Being an NFL coach requires long hours and can make it hard on families. That’s why Vrabel emphasizes to his assistants to be present with theirs.
“Anything that we can do that helps them be around their family, the people that support them,” Vrabel told MassLive. “You know, it’s hard. It’s hard having a family that cares so much about you and the wins and losses and the roller coaster and so the more that we can do, I want to try to be conscious of that.”
This is one of the many qualities that these coaches say make Vrabel a desirable head coach to work for. After he was hired this offseason, 10 assistants who had already worked for or with Vrabel joined the Patriots’ staff.
As evidenced by how his teams in the past have performed, Vrabel is a good coach. His assistants attest that he’s also a great person, who lets them know he cares about them. That includes their families.
It’s why so many followed Vrabel from Tennessee to Foxborough.
“It says a lot,” Patriots running back coach Tony Dews said. “I was very excited when the opportunity presented itself. Because you know who he is. You know he’s fair. You will always know where you stand. He doesn’t bite his tongue. Everyone gets treated the same. And then, the family piece. I know that he’s going to encourage and give us opportunities to spend time with our wives and our kids when the opportunities present themselves.
“And obviously, he’s a heck of a football coach. He’s a winner. He’s done it as a player and a coach for a long time. It’s a great work environment.”
With Vrabel returning to Tennessee on Sunday, his Patriots assistants explained what makes him a desirable head coach to work for.
Family matters
A father of four daughters, Tony Dews appreciates the importance of being there for his family.
That’s why he was sitting in the bleachers at Brentwood Academy in Tennessee. While he was watching his daughter, Savannah, play in her freshman basketball game, he was shocked to see Vrabel enter the gymnasium. The then-head coach of the Titans strolled in with his wife Jen, and strength coach Frank Piraino.
“My wife and I are sitting, and here comes Mike and his wife, and Frank and his wife, and they’re just stopping down to watch a ninth-grade girls basketball game,” Dews said. “So that meant a lot to me. A lot of people talk about family and caring about people, but the head coach of the Tennessee Titans showed up in a ninth-grade girls’ basketball game.”
Dews is grateful to have worked for a coach who not only allowed, but encouraged him to be at his kids’ events
Coaches’ lives get hectic when the season starts. They work long hours. Vrabel’s been there as an assistant at Ohio State and with the Houston Texans. But he still made it a point to be involved with his sons, Tyler and Carter, coaching their flag football teams when he worked for the Buckeyes.
Vrabel entered the NFL as an assistant coach with Houston in 2014. He was pleasantly surprised by how family-oriented head coach Bill O’Brien and ownership were. When he was hired in Tennessee, he wanted to show his staff and their families the same treatment.
“Bill O’Brien and the McNair family allowed the kids to be around training camp and allowed us some time with them,” Vrabel said. “And then when given the opportunity, not forgetting how valuable that time is. And so sometimes coaches are apprehensive to do that. I mean, any opportunity I can have to tell them to stay a little later at home on a Monday and have breakfast with their family, take their kids to school. That’s important.”
As he and Dews can attest, kids grow up fast. It’s on their parents to be there.
“He certainly encourages it and pushes us to go do it in the offseason,” Dews said. “As he would say, it’s on you. If you miss anything with your children in the offseason, that’s on you.”
Vrabel allows the staff to bring family to team walkthroughs on Saturdays before a game. Vrabel said he wants his assistants to look forward to Fridays when they can see their family.
That’s why Patriots safeties coach Scott Booker found himself in a local high school gym last month watching freshman girls’ volleyball. He spent six seasons in Tennessee with Vrabel. At that point, his daughter, Morgan, was into gymnastics. Booker was appreciative to see the majority of her meets.
Now 14, she plays freshman volleyball in Massachusetts. Three weeks ago, Booker was able to leave Gillette Stadium on a Friday to go watch her play.
“He’s a guy that cares about family,” Booker said. “He’s raised two boys, always asking about my daughter, and cares about just our lives outside of football. He understands that this job is grueling, and we spend a lot of time away, but whenever we do have those times that we are able to get to our kids’ games, especially in the offseason or something like that, he demands that we go.”
In the same vein, Todd Downing, Tennessee’s offensive coordinator, was still able to catch some of his son Jackson’s high school football games.
Fall sports are tough on coaches, but Downing noted that when family is the emphasis, people don’t mind working hard. When they’re in the building, it allows them to focus on work.
“He knows that if he has a staff that doesn’t feel like their mind is somewhere else, when we’re here, we’re fully focused on our job,” Downing said. “And then when there’s time to be elsewhere, you can move stuff around and find the hours in the day.”
Vrabel develops coaches
Clint McMillan’s coaching career started in the high school ranks in 2011. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever make it to the NFL.
After coaching in college at several stops, including UT Martin, Florida, and Tennessee, he earned a chance to work with Vrabel during their 2021 training camp through the Bill Walsh Diversity Coaching Fellowship.
McMillan was ready to go back to college when a job opened up, and Vrabel hired him to be a defensive assistant.
“He helped me break into the NFL, which I probably never even expected,” McMillan said. “That’s usually something that happens two or three years after these internships, but I’m extremely fortunate.”
McMillan’s story isn’t unusual in New England. Vrabel gave several of them their first opportunities to coach in the NFL. Another reason why coaches like to work for him is that assistant coaches get the chance to develop on his staff.
After starting as a defensive assistant, McMillan left the Titans this offseason to join the Patriots as their defensive line coach. It’s his first time leading a position group in the NFL.
Booker met Vrabel through former Titans defensive coordinator Dean Pees, who he played for at Kent State. Pees recommended him to Vrabel, and the coach gave Booker his first NFL job as a defensive assistant in 2018.
Patriots cornerback coach Justin Hamilton was out of the business in 2022. Like McMillan, he did an internship with the Titans through the Bill Walsh Fellowship. In 2023, Vrabel hired Hamilton as the Titans’ defensive quality control coach, his first NFL job.
“He hired me when I was at home being a dad and husband. I’m forever grateful for that,” Hamilton said. “Really, from Day 1 in the internship and the entire 2023 season in Tennessee, rarely a time that he speaks that I don’t feel like I didn’t learn something or take something away from that. I’m certainly grateful for the opportunity to be here. I believe in him. I believe in the people he believes in.”
Vrabel’s commitment to developing coaches comes from a lesson at Ohio State with Urban Meyer.
For three years, as a linebacker and defensive line coach, Vrabel had graduate assistant help. Meyer explained why it was important to never forget about the ones who were loyal to him. That led him to bring assistant Shane Bowen with him to Houston and later as his defensive coordinator in Tennessee.
“I was a bad football coach when I first started and somebody gave me my first start,” Vrabel said. “And I remember Urban Meyer saying, ‘Hey, if you have a GA and you get a job and you don’t take him with you, why the hell is he your GA? Why is he here if you wouldn’t take him with you?’
“I’ll never forget that and being able to get (Bowen) into Houston and have him be with us for as many years as he was. I just always use that as an example with these young coaches and try to identify their strengths and help them improve.”
That’s the case with Zak Kuhr, who was a student assistant at Ohio State when Vrabel was there. Vrabel gave him his first NFL opportunity as a Titans quality control coach in 2020.
With defensive coordinator Terrell Williams on a leave of absence, Kuhr has become the Patriots’ defensive play caller.
“Very grateful that he remembered me years later when he hired me at Tennessee, and I was willing to take any position,” Kuhr said. “It was the first time I was on defense. Forever grateful for Vrabes giving me that first opportunity.”
Coaches believe in Vrabel
Vrabel cares.
It’s not a façade. The Patriots head coach is fiercely loyal to his players and coaching staff. He takes the time to get to know them and their families. It’s why so many assistants followed him to New England this offseason.
When Vrabel speaks, people listen, and they believe. He’s not going to tell them what they want to hear. He’s authentic, and it’s a desirable trait for any boss.
“Loyalty is important. And it goes both ways,” Booker said. “And he has shown a lot of loyalty. There’s a lot of guys that he asked to come with him from his time in Tennessee here. So that shows the loyalty that he has towards us… Instead of talking about it, you can just see that all those guys and all of us came from Tennessee. So, we obviously had enough respect for him and a good personal, professional balance that we felt like we should come.”
Even the veteran assistants who hadn’t worked with Vrabel before can see it. He doesn’t waste their time. Every meeting has a clear purpose.
In a career of over 30 years, offensive line coach Doug Marrone has seen a lot in a variety of roles. At age 61, he says Vrabel can get his adrenaline pumping.
All it takes is one team meeting.
“Even though I’ve been in it for a long period of time, I always feel like I’m learning something when he talks. And I always feel inspired,” said Marrone, a former NFL head coach in Buffalo and Jacksonville. “I think that’s probably the most important thing. When he gets up there and he talks, whether it’s the coaches or players, when he walks out of the room, I’m like, ‘[Expletive], I’m ready to go.’ You know what I’m saying? That’s what I enjoy the most.”
Patriots outside linebackers coach Mike Smith played in the NFL and has been coaching since 2009. This marks his fourth stop in the league and his first working with Vrabel. He said Vrabel reminds him of Kansas City’s Andy Reid, whom he spent three seasons with.
At the end of every meeting, Reid asked, “Does everyone know where we’re at and where we’re going?”
“He’s very similar to Andy Reid,” Smith said. “Andy might not get out there and put that stuff on, and he might not yell as much, but how they both are very clear in their plan… There’s no gray area, and it’s great as a coach. You know exactly how he feels on something. I just respect that part. There’s no hidden agenda. That’s what he is. What you see is what you get with Mike Vrabel, so I love that.”
Coaches credit Vrabel for creating a genuine connection. That helps during long hours at Gillette Stadium in season. He said it’s important for him to connect with others.
“It allows you to figure out how you can help them improve, how you can hold them accountable when you have to, so that it’s coming from a place of sincerity,” Vrabel said. “And again, remembering that everybody has relationships that are going to last longer than just coaching in this business.”
As the days drag on, assistants note that conversations with their boss aren’t always about football. He wants them to know he cares. And when the time is right, he wants their focus to be on what matters.
Even if that means kicking them out and sending them home.
“It’s football 24/7 until you go see your wife or your kids. And for that moment, you’re not a coach; you’re a dad, a ‘babe,’ or whatever your wife calls you,” Grant said. “I think it’s pretty neat to get that experience and have a coach that’s very adamant about us doing that. I couldn’t be happier.
“My wife’s super happy. She sees me a little bit more. And she loves Vrabes because he kicks me out a little bit more than where I’ve been in other places.”
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