Dear Annie: How the heck do I celebrate Christmas? Should I skip it? We have no plan and no home base, and my father’s side is unavailable. Some relatives are fighting, and the thought of celebrating without everyone breaks my heart. But I realize that’s already happening.
I want to buy a few things to keep for future Christmases to remind me of — and honor — those we’ve lost (one person especially loved the holiday and passed that joy on to me). I just fear the day will feel depressing and tense. My partner’s family would be happy to have me, but I think that would upset me more, having to smile through my sadness. And despite it all, I find myself wanting to sing Christmas songs already.
— Caroler in Crisis
Dear Caroler: You’ve endured more in a year than many face in a lifetime. No wonder Christmas feels impossible.
It’s natural to feel lost after so much change and instability, and it’s OK to not celebrate the way you used to. If all you can manage is something small, such as lighting a candle, hanging one ornament or playing a single carol, that’s enough. Your wish to honor your relatives who loved Christmas is enough. Give yourself grace, let emotions come and go as they do, and remember you’re doing your best.
If you spend the day with your partner’s family, don’t put on an act. Let them know it’s a tender time; I’m sure they’ll understand. Or, if you’d rather keep it small this year with your mother and sister, lean into that.
This first Christmas will be hard, but it’s also a beginning. You’re not skipping this day but simply reshaping it around what’s still here.
Dear Annie: I went to the nail salon recently. While I was there, a woman getting a pedicure near me was playing music on her cellphone loudly enough for people to hear. I got the impression she was doing this to help her relax. I was sitting in another chair and didn’t say anything, but I thought she should have checked with people around her first, as a courtesy, if she wasn’t going to use earbuds. Am I overreacting? Thank you.
— Wishing for Quiet
Dear Wishing: You’re not overreacting. Too many people these days treat their personal playlists like public entertainment because they can bring them anywhere.
You were right not to cause a scene; next time, flag down your nail tech or mention it at the front desk and let them handle it. They can gently remind clients to use headphones or turn the volume down, no confrontation required.
I guarantee you weren’t the only one wishing for a quiet space to sit back and kick up your feet.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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