Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is 96 years old, and her daughter lives with her. She has been in the nursing homes and hospitals, and has had a nurse assistant to help take care of her. Her daughter refuses to let anybody come to her brother’s house where she is staying.
My husband has been having many problems with his sister. She told him to call before he comes to see his mother and that anybody who wants to see her has to call and make an appointment. The sister’s children are the only ones allowed to see her or come as they please.
My husband worries so much that he can’t see his mother when he wants to. His mother had to have both legs amputated and is not getting proper care. Is there anything we can do for him to see her? All of the grandchildren can’t see her either.
— Worried in Louisiana
Dear Worried: Your sister-in-law’s controlling, cagey behavior feels like a red flag to me, too. You’d think she’d feel relieved that your family’s so willing to help with their mother’s care and would encourage as many visits as possible, considering your mother-in-law’s age and serious health conditions.
There is strength in numbers. Your husband and his other shut-out siblings should communicate firmly and directly with this sister about their worries and figure out a plan that incorporates them more in their mother’s life and care. If this sister’s intentions are pure — as she seems to think they are — she should be open to something that would so clearly benefit their mother.
Dear Annie: In my dating life, I am often disappointed. I’ll ask a guy to go on a date and he’ll agree to. Then we plan a date, and he doesn’t show up, so I end up by myself. I keep finding guys who don’t have the same values that I do.
I believe what the Bible says, that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. I even wear a purity ring on my finger and tell others why it’s there. I want a man who works, doesn’t do drugs, believes in God and will take me out, not the other way around. Yes, I have high standards, but I believe this is not asking a lot from anyone.
How is one to stay pure in an impure world? I’m not lowering my standards for anyone, nor meeting them halfway. They are what they are, but I’m tired of being alone.
— High Standards
Dear High Standards: I commend you for having such strong convictions and for sticking to them unashamedly. Special people need special people. While that might mean having to wait, remember it’s not time wasted to find that person who so perfectly aligns with you.
Your faith seems to be of the utmost importance in your life. Perhaps your local church or a religion-focused dating app would be a good place to seek your next relationship.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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