Dear Annie: I’m a divorced man in his mid-60s with no children, and I have a job that I’m very secure in.
I recently began dating a woman who I met at a work seminar. Our first few dates didn’t give me much hope for anything serious or long-term. It took her at least a half-dozen dates before she felt comfortable kissing me goodnight.
The date after our first kiss, it was back to square one. No kiss and a very quick hug.
Since then, her behavior has had me very puzzled. Any idea why her behavior is so inconsistent?
— Mixed Signals
Dear Mixed Signals: Always trust your first instinct. After your first few dates, you knew that there was not much hope for anything serious. You sound like a straightforward person who knows what he wants, and if your date is not reciprocating any affection, then it’s like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. You are wasting your time and hers. Move on and find someone who wants to kiss you back.
Dear Annie: What should I do about my marriage, which is becoming toxic?
I don’t know if it’s jealousy or anger that can’t be controlled — without screaming and downright physical altercations at times. When we think we have solved our problems, one can’t forget what the other says or does, and the fights start all over again. He says that he has changed his narcissistic ways, but I still feel controlled and almost afraid of him.
I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Am I reading too much into a bad relationship?
— Walking on Eggshells
Dear Walking on Eggshells: You always have a choice. If you choose to stay in the marriage, then you must forgive the past because the only person you are hurting by not forgiving is yourself. You might try seeing a couples counselor before making a final decision about whether to stay or leave. If he is physically abusing you, please call the domestic care hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org. There is help available for you.
Dear Annie: I am really bothered by the letter from “Sibling” who was ghosted by her brother after he had to sleep on the couch when visiting because her son and children were also visiting and were in the guest room. I feel like this entitled sibling needs to be asked what HIS solution would have been.
Should the son have been told he had to give up the bedroom and sleep on the couch with his kids so the brother could have the bedroom? How would this be any more fair? I would love to know why this sibling feels he is more worthy than other family members.
Sometimes people are just so self-centered they don’t think past their own feelings of being “put out.” I would hope that after being asked about it, he would conclude that there was no easy solution and just let it go. Thoughts?
— Riled Up
Dear Riled Up: You make a good argument, and the brother obviously was being inconsiderate. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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