Dear Annie: A few weeks ago, a friend and I had a trip to Costco planned. The night before, I fell in my house and wasn’t sure if I sprained or broke my hand in the wee hours. I couldn’t make up my mind whether I should go to urgent care in the morning or the ER that night. I was in pain, but it wasn’t killing me, so I decided to reevaluate it in the morning. I was hurting enough in the morning to decide to go.
Unbeknownst to me, my friend was irritated with me for that choice. She is a caregiver by trade, and taking me to the urgent care was like working for her without getting paid. I didn’t find out she was irritated with me until the next week. I apologized genuinely and told her how I would do it differently the next time, now knowing how she felt.
I don’t drive due to a visual-spatial disability. When my friend expressed that she had plans for later that afternoon, I offered to take an Uber home from the urgent care. She dropped me off anyway. We still went to Costco. I didn’t know she was irritated with me until I got a curt text the next week.
I tried to explain how I felt. The people who would have taken me to urgent care instead of her both died unexpectedly in a single 24-hour period last October. If she gets hurt, she has a husband who can take her or at least meet her wherever. I don’t have anyone, and it’s a lonely place to be. Her response was to tell me not to compare my suffering to hers. I wasn’t. She said she was past the whole thing and that she was just setting a healthy boundary with me.
I feel like she thinks I am selfish for not waiting until after our planned excursion to find out if my hand was broken or not (based on what she has said). I really like her, but the whole thing is making me see her in a less positive way than before. Thankfully, my hand has a bad sprain, not a break, and it’s still in a brace two and a half weeks later.
Am I wrong for feeling like I am owed an apology? I feel like if she can’t do that, we don’t have a snowball’s chance of moving forward. Her house is five minutes from the urgent care, and I didn’t ask her to stay with me. She went home and waited until I was done.
At any rate, when she said she was past it, I tried to resume our relationship. I texted last week to see how her day was going, and she couldn’t find the time to respond. Apparently, that was wrong of me, too.
I am really bothered by the whole situation. I am socially isolated by not having much money and not driving. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but at the same time, I am done apologizing. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Perhaps I miscalculated how much she cares about me to expect me to delay medical treatment to better fit her schedule?
— Sprained and Strained
Dear Sprained: It’s extremely odd how little concern this woman showed for your well-being after your at-home accident. A true friend would never treat this sort of situation as “working without getting paid,” but instead would be ready and willing to help however you needed.
Perhaps you both could use some more time and space from each other to cool off. If she continues to behave in this way in the future, she may not be someone you can consider a friend after all.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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