Dear Annie: My best friend, “Sarah,” and I have been close since college, but lately, our friendship feels one-sided. She’s going through a rough time; she broke up with her boyfriend, she hates her job, and she’s been struggling with anxiety. I’ve been there for her every step of the way, listening to her vent, offering advice, and checking in on her regularly. But when I need support, she’s nowhere to be found.
Last week, I had a really stressful situation at work and tried to talk to her about it. She changed the subject back to her ex before I could even finish my sentence. This happens all the time. Whenever I bring up something in my life, she either ignores it or gives a quick response before shifting the focus back to her problems. I understand she’s struggling, but I’m starting to feel like an emotional dumping ground rather than a friend.
I don’t want to abandon her, but sometimes I wonder if she really cares about me or if she just wants someone to listen to her. Is this something I should wait out? Say something? Let the friendship die?
— Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used: Friendships aren’t always 50/50, but over time, they should be somewhat balanced out.
It does sound like Sarah is going through a lot right now. She might be so wrapped up in her own problems that she isn’t even aware of how her behavior is impacting you. It’s time to tell her how you feel. She might be mortified and change her ways. Or she might brush you off and carry on as usual. You’ll either gain back a friendship or a whole lot of time.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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