Dear Annie: My friend is an awful listener during our weekly lunch dates

Dear Annie: I was out having lunch with a friend I’ve known for many years. We met when our children were babies; they are grown adults now.

We have only been meeting up once a week for lunch since April 2024, as we both have more time now that I have retired and she works part-time.

The thing is, I’m feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment. I got a new puppy in October 2024. I also have been suffering anxiety, exhaustion, and feeling stressed, so I’m not really in a positive frame of mind.

I was trying to tell this friend how I was feeling but felt like each time I said anything about my situation, she shut me down by changing the subject or playing it down, like it wasn’t as bad as I was saying things were. I’ve always enjoyed our lunches together before, as it gets me out of the house for a few hours, but mostly I haven’t said much about my anxiety or any problems I may have.

I have confided in her in the past, but I feel that she doesn’t want to hear about how difficult things are for me at the moment. She just wants everything to be happy and positive, which isn’t realistic. We all have problems at times.

I feel like she doesn’t have any empathy, which is sad, as I enjoy meeting up for lunch with her. We normally have a nice time talking and laughing, and we have things in common. I thought friends were people who gave you support. If she needed to talk about anything that was bothering her or she had any difficulties, I would be there to listen and give her support.

Please could you give me advice on this?

—Being Ignored

Dear Being Ignored: None of us can expect a single relationship to meet all of our needs. When you’re in the mood to get out of the house and enjoy some light-hearted conversation, meet her for lunch. When you’re seeking support for the stress or anxiety that you’re dealing with, she’s simply not your girl. Seek support elsewhere—either through other friendships, family members, a spouse, or a therapist.

Once you manage your expectations of this friendship, you won’t be so frequently disappointed.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.