Dear Annie: I’m in a strange situation with my childhood best friend, “Lila.” We’re both 32 now, and while we’ve stayed close over the years, something shifted after I got engaged last spring. Lila has always been single, and she’s made it clear she doesn’t believe in marriage. I respect that. But since I got engaged, she’s been acting distant — canceling plans, being short in conversation, and even making little digs about “brides losing their identity.”
I asked her directly if something was wrong, and she brushed it off, saying she’s “just been busy.” I included her in the bridal party, but she turned it down, saying it wasn’t “her thing.” It hurt, but I tried to be understanding. Still, when mutual friends bring up wedding stuff, her mood totally changes. I can’t tell if this is jealousy, discomfort or something else, but I miss how we used to be.
Should I press the issue or let the distance be what it is? I want her in my life, but I don’t know if I should keep reaching out when it feels so one-sided now.
— Bride With a Broken Friendship
Dear Bride: For whatever reason, weddings are a difficult subject for Lila. If she won’t tell you what that reason is — even after you asked directly — then there isn’t much more you can do besides accept that she’s not going to be a bridesmaid.
It’s disappointing, of course, especially when you want her by your side. But her reaction seems more about her own feelings around marriage than about your relationship. Maybe one day she’ll open up about it, but for now, the best thing you can do is wish her well and focus on the people who do want to be there.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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