Dear Annie: Thirteen years ago, I started doubting my family’s place in my life. I come from a family of four boys, but only one of my three remaining brothers keeps in touch.
My oldest brother is up in years and no longer able to get around. The middle brother and his wife are the only family members who keep in touch. The last brother lives just two miles away; he and his wife will travel 50 miles to see their daughters and their families instead of stopping by to see me. The last time I saw him, the youngest brother, was at his 50th wedding anniversary last October.
Recently, I was admitted to the hospital, and as of this letter, I haven’t heard a word from the oldest or youngest brothers. We were always close, but since our parents passed, things have gone downhill.
Am I being too sensitive, or do I have reason to feel upset?
—Feeling Forgotten
Dear Forgotten: Your feelings are completely valid. Grief often reshapes families, and sometimes loss weakens the glue that once held everyone together. People grieve differently, too; some pull closer, like your middle brother and his wife, while others drift off.
You can’t control how your other two brothers behave, but you can try to reignite your relationships. A simple, loving message—“I’ve missed seeing you and would love to catch up”—opens the door and puts the ball in their court. If they don’t respond, at least you’ll know you’ve done your part.
You deserve connection and community. Sometimes, that means finding it in new places and with new people.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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