Dear Annie: I have eight beautiful grandchildren. I have been blessed to help care for six of them from birth to 5-6 years old. My daughter has twin 7-year-old boys. She has issues with me that I’ve apologized for and have given her space to work through things. I’ve never met my twin grandsons. I’ve only seen them in pictures and several times in public, but neither she nor her husband knew I was in the same store.
I know our relationship isn’t going to get any better for the moment, but I want to meet my grandsons and get to know them with my hope being that she sees I’m a good nana — a much better nana than a mom. What do you suggest?
— Heartbroken Nana
Dear Nana: It sounds like you have a big, loving heart that you just want to share with those who mean the most to you. The key ingredients in mending your relationship with your daughter and getting to have one with your grandsons are consistency and patience.
You’ve apologized and given your daughter space to work through her issues. When you reach out next, let her know just how much you’d like to meet those special boys and be a part of their life. It might take her some time to get on board, but eventually, she will hopefully see that their lives would be better with you in it.
Dear Annie: I have had a friend for almost 10 years. I say almost as we are no longer friends. About six years ago, we parted ways as friends due to him letting his girlfriend create friction in our friendship and we agreed to just go our separate ways.
Time goes on and three years later, we ended up being friends again; he had left his girlfriend. This friend and I became close over the next two years, drinking, partying, etc. I put a good word in for him so he could get a job where he then met a girl who he decided to date.
I was against this, and he knew because the girl’s family had done damage to my property with my ex a few years prior. I didn’t want to be a part of that again.
Again, he decides to remove me from all social platforms and stop being my friend because he got a girlfriend. A short time later, he breaks up with her, adds me back on everything and we are friends again. This friend leads me on in several ways when he is single with messages, pictures, actions and words. What do you know? A year later, he finds a girl and guess what. We are no longer friends again.
He always said I am just jealous that he had a girlfriend and that he didn’t spend time with me anymore. I am so confused why he proceeds to lead me on when he is “straight” and single, then always unfriends me when he finds a girl. I have made the decision that I will no longer be his friend after this relationship falls to pieces because I feel he is the one confused with his sexuality. Am I overthinking or being jealous?
— Confused or Jealous
Dear Confused or Jealous: Your instincts are right on — this person is not a good friend to you and is not worth your continued time or energy.
Some people lose themselves when they enter a romantic relationship. It seems not only does your friend suffer from this, but he fails to remember his life and the people in it when he has a girlfriend. It’s not fair to you to endure this whiplash. Focus your energy on the people in your life who value and reciprocate it. You deserve friends who are caring, loyal and interested in maintaining a bond with you, whether they are single or not.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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