Dear Annie: My brother regularly calls to blame me for my strained relationship with our sister, without knowing my side of the story. For my own peace of mind, I keep my distance from her, though I still send her Christmas gifts, birthday cards, and other greetings— which she ignores and never reciprocates.
My sister is a school counselor, and she seems to know exactly what she’s doing. What my brother doesn’t know are the betrayals I’ve endured from her over the years: She once had a relationship with my boyfriend, accessed my bank account, and stole items from my home.
Despite all this, she has perfected the role of the innocent victim, and my brother is completely taken in by it. They’re very close, which makes it easy for him to see me as the one causing the rift.
We’re all senior citizens now, and his constant blaming has become a real source of stress for me. How should I handle this?
—Left Out Sister by Choice
Dear Left-Out Sister: It might be time to have an honest conversation with your brother in which you set clear boundaries. Let him know that you won’t tolerate him speaking to you that way, and establish limits on what he’s allowed to bring up with you. Your relationship with your sister is separate from the one you have with him, so to keep things peaceful with your brother, consider agreeing not to discuss your sister in conversations with him.
Whether or not you want to tell your brother about the betrayals is up to you. However, ask yourself if you’ve ever spoken with your sister since she hurt you. Has she ever apologized, and if she did, would you be open to accepting it? These are all things to consider as you decide how to move forward. Best of luck to you.
Dear Annie: I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man I adore. We’ve been together for over a year, and he’s brought so much joy into my life. The only challenge is that he’s severely allergic to cats—and I have two that I’ve had for years. My cats are like family to me, and I can’t imagine life without them, but his allergy is serious enough that even spending time at my house is difficult for him.
We’ve talked about the future, and while I want to build a life with him, I’m torn about how to manage this. Rehoming my cats feels unthinkable, but I don’t want his health or our relationship to suffer. Is there a way to navigate this situation without losing either my boyfriend or my furry companions?
—Torn Between Love and Fur
Dear Love and Fur: This is a tricky predicament you’re in, but it’s not an impossible one. The first step could be to find an allergist. Modern treatments like allergy shots, antihistamines or nasal sprays might help reduce his symptoms over time, making visits to your home more manageable. Make sure you have high-quality air purifiers and keep your home meticulously clean, as this can significantly lower kitty dander in the air.
If your relationship progresses to the point of living together, creating cat-free zones, particularly in the bedroom, can help protect his health.
Ultimately, this is about compromise and open communication. Your love for your cats is valid, but so is his need for a healthy environment. If he’s committed to finding a way forward, you’ll both find a balance that lets you build a future without sacrificing either of your loves.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2024 CREATORS.COM
