Dear Annie: My husband and I live in a three-bedroom house with our two grown children. Recently, our youngest daughter had a baby and moved back home — bringing her boyfriend with her. We told her beforehand that he couldn’t stay here, but they moved him in anyway. Now, the two of them — and their baby — are living out of her bedroom.
They both work but don’t earn enough to afford their own place. He wants to stay close to the baby, which we understand, but the situation is far from ideal. He’s a picky eater who prefers restaurants over our home-cooked meals. Five adults are sharing one bathroom. And he’s a slob — her bedroom floor is often covered in pizza boxes and food wrappers. I’m especially worried about the baby’s safety in that environment.
Here’s the dilemma: if we insist that her boyfriend move out, we know our daughter will go with him — likely to his parents’ home. His parents live beyond their means, are deep in debt, and regularly rely on their children to get by. I fear our daughter will be pulled into that same cycle.
How can we encourage healthier financial habits in her boyfriend without crossing boundaries? He says it’s none of our business since they’re adults. But if they don’t make changes, they’ll be living here indefinitely. We love our daughter and granddaughter, but our home just doesn’t have the space — or stability — for this long term.
— Out of Room Parents
Dear Out of Room Parents: You’re not just dealing with a crowded house; you’re also trying to protect your granddaughter’s well-being while navigating two adults who aren’t taking full responsibility for themselves.
You can’t force your daughter and her boyfriend to manage money differently, but you can set boundaries about how long they can stay under your roof and under what conditions. Let them know the current setup isn’t sustainable, and give them a reasonable timeline to either improve the living situation or move out.
As for encouraging better financial habits: instead of lecturing, offer practical tools. Help them make a budget or suggest they meet with a financial counselor. Frame it as support, not judgment.
You can’t keep them from moving in with his parents, but enabling the situation at home isn’t the answer either. Trust that your daughter will make the best decisions she can.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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