Dear Annie: I have been divorced since 2009. My three children haven’t spoken to me since then. I divorced their dad. Their dad has a lot of money and has done everything possible to keep my children away from me, even to this day. I am sure this gives him great pleasure.
We all lived in Florida, but just recently I left because, despite all my calls, texts and gifts, I have been ignored, and obviously they want nothing to do with me. I stopped texting and calling, thinking this would relieve some of the pain.
I still hurt and only pray that someday I could see them to give them a hug and kiss before I leave this world.
They are in their late 20s and early 30s. My daughter got married, and I wasn’t invited. I have a job and support myself. I have a permanent restraining order against my ex-husband. Any suggestions on how to deal with the loss of my children and deal with living life without the constant heartache?
— Bleeding Heart
Dear Bleeding Heart: Hurt people hurt people, and it sounds like there was a lot of hurting going around and your children got caught in the crossfire. As a result, they are now hurting you. Keep trying to reach out to your children. As much as it hurts that you were not invited to your daughter’s wedding, it must have also hurt her not to have her mother there.
Forgive and let the past go so you can move forward. Tell them exactly what you told me — that you are sorry for any pain you inflicted on them and that you just want to give them a big hug and kiss. When you have this conversation, be patient and try not to expect them to come running back into your arms immediately. But through time, they might be able to come around to you.
Dear Annie: I want to comment on the letter from the retired youth sports coach who wrote in about parents being glued to their phones during their kids’ events. He couldn’t have been more correct.
My stepdaughter participated in a youth dance clinic with our college’s dance team when she was around 8 years old. They performed during halftime at the college basketball game.
Her grandmother (my mother-in-law) came with us to watch, but she spent most of the performance texting someone, with her attention on her phone. My stepdaughter saw this as she looked up to us and thankfully saw her dad and I clapping and smiling at her, but the first thing she said was, “Gram was looking at her phone and missed my dancing.” She’s 21 now and still remembers it.
— A Proud Kentucky Stepmom
Dear Proud Kentucky Stepmom: Thank you for your letter. While putting away your phone during children’s activities can seem like a difficult task, I hope your letter serves as a reminder for all parents to try to be more mindful of when they are looking down at their phones and not engaging with life as it is. Your kids will notice and will remember.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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