Dear Annie: I have found myself pregnant again, seven years after my first pregnancy. I allowed myself to have fun on vacation and came home pregnant. The second party is aware and unbothered. And that bothers me. I’ve been ignored and disregarded while carrying this child. I attend my doctor’s appointments alone and plan to raise the child alone, as I did with my first one.
I do not understand those who do not just do what is right. To me, there is a big difference between the dishes piling up and not getting around to it versus getting someone pregnant and ignoring it.
I’ve been a little extra with a slew of messages toward this individual and his partner. I know this makes me look bad, but I have so much anger and nowhere to put it. I don’t know enough about this person to do anything in court. I don’t know whether to lie and say the second party has passed away or be truthful and say he just doesn’t want to be there.
Deep down, I know karma will come and do what it does best; until then, however, I’ve been told I just need to “let it go.”
How can something so miraculous make me feel so devastated?
— Angry Mom
Dear Angry Mom: The father of your child has legal obligations to provide child support. Many states have different laws on this subject, so you really need to find an attorney who can help you, which might include tracking down “the second party,” as you call him, and securing a court-ordered paternity test, if necessary. You don’t have to do it all on your own.
But yes, in answer to your question, that seems to be life. There is so much that is miraculous and so much that is tragic. The important thing is that you help to manage your anger and find a good therapist to help you sort through it — both for yourself and for your children.
As the saying widely attributed to Buddha says, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Best of luck to you and your children.
Dear Readers: Here is an excerpt from a beautiful poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson about forgiveness.
“Forgive my grief for one removed,
Thy creature, whom I found so fair.
I trust he lives in thee, and there
I find him worthier to be loved.
Forgive these wild and wandering cries,
Confusions of a wasted youth;
Forgive them where they fail in truth,
And in thy wisdom make me wise.”
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2023 CREATORS.COM
