Dear Annie: I try my best not to be a jealous person. My boyfriend of three years has been sick and just got out of the hospital from a cancer-related health issue. He lives at my home with me. He said that there is nothing wrong with letting all his exes come by our home to visit him after getting out of the hospital. I have a problem with that.
I don’t care how he throws a fit that they are just friends and there is nothing going on between him or any of them. He just started telling them that they could come on by, and he never even asked me if it was OK with me or if I had bad feelings about it. He just decided it doesn’t matter how I feel about it and that he can have them visit him at our home anytime they want.
Annie, am I wrong or selfish for getting offended or upset about this decision that he made, no matter if I like it or not, because these are his friends? Please tell me because he thinks that I’m wrong for getting upset and mad about it. What should I have done in this ordeal?
— Upset Girlfriend
Dear Upset Girlfriend: Exes popping up can be uncomfortable under any circumstance, but the fact that your boyfriend invited them around without a discussion or your consent makes it even worse. For him to then get so bent out of shape and angry at you is unacceptable.
In instances like these, open communication with your partner is crucial. Share your concerns with him and figure out how to set boundaries together. It sounds like the real issue here is that he doesn’t take you into consideration when he makes decisions, which is a big red flag and one that must be addressed for your relationship to thrive.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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