Dear Abby: Should I tell my family my dad lied about being a WWII hero?

Dear Abby: After my father passed away, I started doing some family genealogy. Everyone, including family, thinks he was a great WWII hero. But while researching military records, I discovered it was all a lie. In my opinion, he committed “stolen valor.” Do I tell the truth, or let sleeping dogs lie?

—Truthful in the West

Dear Truthful in the West: Your father has gone to his great reward. If you feel the record should be set straight, show your family the research you did and tell them the truth.

Dear Abby: I am remarried to a widower whose first wife died 10 years ago. On the anniversary of her death, he reaches out to her siblings to announce how much he loved her. I find this unsettling.

I would have thought that this was understood by all of them during their marriage. He was a devoted husband. Am I wrong in thinking this unnecessary and hurtful?

—Current wife in Pennsylvania

Dear Current wife in Pennsylvania: You are entitled to your feelings, but please stop comparing your marriage to the one your husband had with his late wife. Although yours may be a happy one, it isn’t identical to the one he had with her.

A lesson I have learned later in life is that love doesn’t end when a partner dies. Because your husband deeply loved his first wife doesn’t mean there is less for you. For him, the message he sends to his former in-laws feels necessary.

Please try harder not to make a problem where there isn’t one. No anniversary message will bring the woman back.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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