Dear Abby: We are a male couple celebrating 34 years of partnership. We recently took a cruise, during which we met four straight couples traveling together who welcomed us into their group. It was a pleasant experience, and we were delighted to make friends with whom we anticipated sailing again. In fact, the group booked a future cruise onboard and insisted we join them.
Upon returning home and making the obligatory social media connections, we were stunned to discover extremist views propagated by multiple members of the group, including, but not limited to, dangerous falsehoods about and disparagement of gays. One of them said gays should be banished from society. Our reaction was one of disbelief, given the warmth with which we were treated during the cruise.
With true colors now revealed, we intend to cancel the booking made onboard, but we are at odds as to how or whether to explain the decision. I am angry and ready to rumble, while my pacifist husband says we should let it go. Any insights you can offer will be appreciated.
— Conflicted at sea
Dear Conflicted: Hang onto your temper. You would be within your rights (as well as the parameters of etiquette) to contact the people and ask if they still feel this way about gay people after the cruise. If the answer is yes, ask why they would invite you and your partner to travel with them again. While you’re at it, express that the comments they posted were untrue, uncalled-for, and hurtful, and that you will not travel anywhere with them again.
Dear Abby: My next-door neighbor “Hank’s” wife died 2 1/2 years ago. My husband passed away 18 months ago. I would see Hank at church and would always ask how he was doing. I’d also see him sitting outside in his backyard crying and talking to his dogs. So, I decided to occasionally take him whatever I had cooked—pot roast, meatloaf, etc. His grown kids would come on Saturday to take him out to eat and maybe spend a couple of hours with him. They all work and have their own families.
Hank eventually invited me out to dinner, and we became friends. As soon as his daughter found out we were dating, she put a stop to it. She controls her daddy. Hank and I see each other less and less often now, and she has even found him another woman friend. Hank calls and tells me he misses me and our conversations. Part of me feels like moving on. The other part wants to continue our friendship. Any advice will be appreciated.
— Thwarted in Texas
Dear Thwarted: I don’t know what it is about you that Hank’s daughter doesn’t like or finds threatening. You won’t know unless you ask Hank. While you are at it, tell him you miss him, too, and would like to continue seeing him. You and Hank are both adults and should be able to see each other if you both wish.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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