Dear Abby: My husband accuses me of nagging when I ask for help around the house

Dear Abby: I was once a stay-at-home wife. I did all the cooking, housekeeping, etc. Due to a downturn in the industry where my husband was a highly paid executive, he returned to a health-care career using his bachelor’s degree. I returned to work in a well-paying but demanding job.

So now I cook, we eat. He sits down to watch TV, and I clean while watching TV. When I ask for help, he accuses me of being a nag. I’m growing more and more depressed over this. Advice, please.

—Feeling Down in the South

Dear Feeling Down: You married an old-fashioned guy. He worked while you “kept the home fires burning.” When reality hit and you needed to rejoin the workforce, he forgot the principle of “each according to his ability, each according to his need.”

Your darling needs a cold dose of reality. Times have changed, and he’s not doing his fair share. Remind him so you can work out a more equitable agreement.

P.S. You may be more tired from doing double duty than depressed. Think about it.

My fiancé thinks I spend too much on gifts

Dear Abby: I am a giver by nature. This is how I show my love. I like to cook, knit, sew and buy gifts for the people who matter most to me. I have recently noticed that when I buy gifts for my fiancé, he looks them up to see how much I paid for them. He isn’t doing this to say I spent too little, but rather to say I spend “way too much” on him.

I consider what he’s been doing to be rude, and I told him so. I also told him it is none of his business how much I spent on him. Am I wrong?

—Giving of Myself in Illinois

Dear Giving: I think you overreacted by becoming defensive. Rather than scold your fiancé because he chided you for spending the amount you have on his gifts, it could have been handled more delicately. All you needed to say was, “To me you are priceless. I get great pleasure when I find something I think you can use and will enjoy. Please stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

P.S. Make sure you are both on the same page regarding finances BEFORE you are married.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.