Dear Abby: I am a 56-year-old divorcée after a 30-year marriage. I have been dating a man I’ll call “Tom” for the past 2 1/2 years. I love my time with him, except when we are out—he is constantly looking at young women. They smile back at him because he’s smiling at them. He is definitely feeding his ego, and he has said he knows he has to stop looking for young women and settle with someone his age with whom he has more in common.
When he sits at a table next to me, he turns his chair in their direction instead of toward the table like a normal person. I know this is disrespectful. My heart drops to my stomach when he does it. Everything is perfect when we’re not in these situations. Is it possible to love a man and ignore this one bad feeling he gives me? I feel like it’s slim pickings at my age, and he’s so good in so many other ways.
—Focused on Him in Louisiana
Dear Focused: Yes, it is possible to love someone and ignore the one flaw in the diamond. But what should concern you is not that he looks at young women, but that he actually said he needs to “settle” with someone his age (with whom he has more in common). From what you have written, he doesn’t appear to be doing a good job of that, and the sinking feeling in your stomach when he’s not fully present when you’re out together is your intuition telling you that you are not safe with him.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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