Dear Abby: How do I tell my kids about my relationship with a married man?

Dear Abby: I have been having a friend-with-benefits relationship with a man I’ll call “Gene.” We are both in our 70s. He lives an hour away, and we see each other once a month. Gene is married, but his wife is disabled, and their relationship has deteriorated. We used to work together, and he was very lonely when I met him. Gene feels responsible for his wife and will never leave her, which is fine with me. I am not interested in a full-time boyfriend.

My issue is, if my two adult children found out about this, they would be very judgmental. I know it would damage my relationship with them. On the other hand, I don’t want to live my life on their terms. What do you think of all this?

—Happy, but worried, in Florida

Dear Happy: I think that at the age of 70 you are mature enough to make your own decisions. I also think that you need to be strong enough to defend them should the need arise. Because you are living in fear of their eventually finding out that you are happy with the relationship you have with Gene, it would be better for you to tell them yourself.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.