Boston’s Snowport Holiday Market: Tourist trap, or bad rap?

BOSTON — The Snowport Holiday Market is like a fancy, stinky cheese. It’s fussy, expensive and can be a pain to deal with.

It also happens that Snowport smells weird because of some actual fancy, stinky cheese.

Your enjoyment of the Seaport District’s trendy holiday market will depend on two factors: 1) the circumstances of when you go there and 2) how much you like walking around quirky shops and saying, “Oh, look at that.”

Boston’s Snowport is not a logical or efficient shopping experience. It’s hard to get to, expensive and gets especially crowded on weekends.

But whenever I go, I always get this uniquely quirky sense of fascination while poking around businesses and discovering how niche they are.

Every few booths, I have to stop and study it for a few minutes and ask, “How the heck does this business make money?”

I may not be in the market for a fancy alpaca scarf or artwork that’s printed onto vinyl records. But you’d better believe that I own a pair of golden retriever socks and enjoyed the heck out of that sandwich with the melted stinky cheese.

The question you really need to ask is this: How would you feel about spending $14 on a pair of hyperrealistic scissors made of chocolate?

Boston Snowport: Tourist trap, or bad rap?

I won’t waste your time or mine trying to claim that I needed a $14 pair of hyperrealistic scissors made of chocolate. I did not. I still don’t.

The only reason I got the $14 pair of hyperrealistic scissors made of chocolate was because I definitely couldn’t justify spending $60 on the insanely realistic-looking wingtip shoe that I also saw at a stall called Chocoidea.

Was it a practical use of money? No. But you know what else isn’t? A mediocre cocktail at some random restaurant in Boston that would run me $18.

That cocktail will leave my mind the moment I leave the bar. That $14 pair of hyperrealistic scissors? I’m going to be telling people about that for years. At least I know I can tell them whether it tasted good or not. (It did.)

That’s what Snowport boils down to. It’s a bougie bingo board. Most of the time, you see a business and shrug your shoulders. But every now and then you spot something and think, “Oh, I’ve got to check that out.”

For me, that comes in the form of quirky Christmas gifts and food.

Snowport foods — Snowport boasts an array of festive foods and drinks including boozy hot chocolate (left), lobster Mac ‘n’ cheese (center) and cheese wheel pasta (right).David Cifarelli

What is there to eat at Snowport?

Basically every corner of Snowport has a place that will sell you hot cocoa. Just be ready to spend about $7 before add-ons.

You’ll also see as many cookie and cupcake shops as you will Dunkin’ locations on your commute to work.

For me, the real draw is the “Food & Beverage Lounge,” the open area where you’ll find circles of Adirondack chairs ringed around fake firepits.

My favorite thing I’ve eaten there is probably the most divisive food at Snowport: the raclette cheese baguette from Baked Cheese Haus.

The positive side: They scrape melted cheese right off a wheel and onto your sandwich. It’ll run you $15 before toppings.

The negative side: Raclette cheese is a smelly cheese. It’s the reason that part of Snowport smells funky. But the taste is awesome.

I was also a fan of the $8 torched rice ball with grilled eel from Nagomi Bento.

The biggest draw overall is definitely Cheese Wheel Pasta Boston. For $20, you get a serving of pasta that’s cooked inside a wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano.

It’s great. But also sums up the biggest problem with Snowport in general.

The crushing weight of capitalism

Visiting Snowport can be fun and festive. It can also be cold and frustrating if you go during a busy time.

The best way to experience Snowport is to make a day of going around Boston during the week. Take the T or walk from South Station. If you go early, you should get in there before the crowds and have plenty of elbow room.

The worst way to experience Snowport is to drive in from out of town on the weekend. Getting around Seaport by car is a pain. If you didn’t think to book ahead, get ready to pay up to $40 for parking.

Once you do step out into the Seaport’s gusty maze of concrete and glass, you’ll typically have to wait in line after the doors open at 11 a.m.

Entry to Snowport is free. But there is an option to get a ticket for timed entry and skip the line. But to do that, you have to get the Seaport Insider app (because of course they have an app) to purchase a $14 ticket ahead of time. If you want to do it the day of, it’ll run you $20.

Only then will you have the privilege of waiting in yet another line to get that pasta that’s cooked in a cheese wheel.

At that point, yeah, it’s pretty understandable if the market doesn’t feel quite as charming and the smell of the cheese starts to bother you.

So, is it a tourist trap, or does it have a bad rap?

My verdict: It can be. It depends. I realize this answer isn’t super helpful.

I enjoy going to Snowport. But even I have to acknowledge that, when you go, you’re kinda trapped there. The crowds can be intense. If you’re not into any of the stalls, it can be underwhelming. Above all, it’s expensive.

If you want to have a pleasant, relaxing meal where you don’t have to deal with other people, go to a restaurant.

Snowport is about whimsical chaos. That’s either a benefit or a problem. It really depends on how much planning and patience you’re willing to commit to the trip.

More info about the Snowport Holiday Market

Check it out – Website | Facebook | Instagram

What’s the parking situation? – It’s bad. Street parking is hard to find. Parking garages are expensive if you don’t book ahead. I highly recommend taking public transit or booking a spot ahead of time via SpotHero or ParkWhiz.

Does it cost money to enter? – General admission to Snowport is free. There’s an option to buy a timed entry ticket on Saturdays and Sundays.

When does the market first open? When is the last day? – The Snowport Holiday Market opened up on Nov. 7. It will be closed on Christmas and will have its last day on Dec. 28.

What days, hours is the market open? – The Snowport Holiday Market is open seven days a week.

Here are the hours from Nov. 7 – Dec. 7: