Dear Eric: To your excellent reply to “Leftovers, Anyone?”, who was a bit unsettled over her daughter-in-law’s Friendsgiving meal mirroring her own Thanksgiving, I have a suggestion. My wife and I are the eldest of our extended family and often host Thanksgiving. This year, with my wife recovering from surgery, we had a dish-to-pass non-traditional meal, where I cooked the main entree (grilled dry-rub flank steak) and everyone brought a side dish or dessert. We all had a great family time, and no one complained about the lack of turkey!
— No Turkey, Still Great
Dear Still Great: I love a potluck holiday! Many hands make light(er) work.
Dear Eric: Librarian here, replying to “Deleted Post”, whose son got angry about a parent posting news about the letter writer posting a photo of the son’s wedding to social media. The letter writer wrote, “I feel bad because my son seems to feel he can forbid me from sharing this news with my friends.”
I have noticed that many people default to “owning” their social media accounts and therefore the right to post whatever they like. Friends and family members will take photos, or, sometimes worse, be browsing their old files and snap a pic of an ancient photo and share it online.
Enthusiastic and informed consent is the way to go here. Show the people in the photo the photo first. Before you post, ask, “Do you mind if I post this on [this platform]”? Every. Single. Time.
You don’t own their faces. There are lots of reasons someone might not want a photo posted, ranging from it simply being an unflattering shot, to future employers Googling their name, through to hiding from an abusive ex or being in witness protection.
Even with privacy settings locked down, the Terms of Use that we all click “agree” to, usually without reading, give the online platform free range of whatever you post. The landscape is entirely different. The way we post and share must be, too.
— Social Media Caution
Dear Caution: This is an important reminder for everyone. When it comes to someone’s digital footprint, it’s always better to ask permission than to ask for forgiveness after posting. And when it comes to sharing personal news online, it’s best to ask oneself, “Whose news is this?” If it’s your news, you can share it. If it’s someone else’s news, even if that person is a child or close relative, get their OK. Or better yet, let them share it and follow their lead.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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