Dear Eric: I have a soft voice that has been criticized by many. I took a required speech class in college, and the instructor made up an emergency and asked if anyone would believe me if I told them about it.
I overheard my principal tell a colleague, “It’s a wonder she had any control over her (elementary) class with that voice.” I am so tired of being talked over by others. Sometimes, I have to start saying something three or four times before people listen. Sometimes, I just give up. Sometimes, I feel like I should act like a child, raise my hand and wait to be called on. Help!
— Quiet as a Mouse
Dear Quiet: Despite what your principal said, I’m presuming you do have control over your elementary school class. You’ve developed tactics that don’t rely on your voice’s volume. Give yourself credit for finding other ways to command attention, teach material and maintain order. Perhaps there are ways of applying some of your classroom skills in other areas in life.
Also, look into a class or training with a vocal coach or acting teacher. The voice is an instrument and, like any other instrument, “loud” isn’t always the best setting. Consider a piccolo or a clarinet; when played correctly, they can be quite arresting without very much volume. Similarly, a teacher trained in the voice can work with your specific instrument, show you its features — your vocal cords, your diaphragm, your breathing, etc. — and guide you in ways of using it effectively without having to shout.
Dear Eric: My husband and I enjoy hosting dinner and cards with other couples. This is also reciprocated by a few other friends. I’ve found it cringe-worthy due to the fact that they don’t want to play a game that takes some thought. It’s a game that just relies on the luck of the draw.
I’ve tried to suggest fun different games multiple times. Sometimes I’ll demonstrate the game to try to create interest by explaining strategies that could be used. This is met with disinterest. What can I do?
— Go Fish
Dear Go Fish: When you’re hosting, you might have to cut out the card games or excuse yourself. Or accept it. It’s no knock to them that they’re enjoying a relatively simple game. Perhaps their focus is on the camaraderie rather than the strategy. Game night can be a tricky endeavor. It’s sometimes hard to find people that all align in their desire for gameplay and strategy. If you’re enjoying their company otherwise, it’s best to just accept that they’re happy going fishing, and join them in the pond.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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