Dear Eric: Several years ago, I moved to the U.S. from Europe to marry my wife. Her father agreed to support us financially until my work authorization was approved. Around the time of the approval, my wife suffered a severe mental health crisis and needed time to recover.
My father-in-law hired a “life coach,” and my wife and I worked with her to get our finances and household in order.
It took me longer to find a job than was agreed upon. My father-in-law demanded that I go home to Europe. I was told I would not be allowed to return home until I found a job.
The life coach told me my wife would be cut off financially if she allowed me back into our marital home.
Every time I came close to finding work, my father-in-law raised the bar for what he expected of me.
I became angry about being forcibly separated from my wife, as we loved each other very much and neither of us wanted to be apart, but she then broke up with me (I assume under the direction of the life coach).
Currently, I am working and living with my parents back in Europe, and I am considering taking legal action against my father-in-law and the life coach, but I fear that doing so will further alienate my wife.
I am still very angry but also aware that anger can cloud my judgment. Could there be any other course of action I could take that I am missing?
—A Lost Celt
Dear Celt: I doubt legal action would get you the results you want.
You and your wife were in vulnerable positions. What you needed was control over your own destiny. At this point, that control starts with choosing acceptance. If your wife is not open to online counseling or reconciliation with you, then you have to accept that the relationship has ended and give her the space she’s asking for.
This may be for the best for you, as it’s hard, if not impossible, to build a marriage when a third party is making demands and telling you where you can and can’t go. This isn’t sustainable and, for it to work, you’d need to make your own decisions and act independently.
There were a lot of cooks in the proverbial kitchen, with a life coach, a father-in-law, and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. Right now, step away from the stove. Work on healing and determining what you need going forward.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
