Dear Eric: My father is turning 90 this November. He lives in Las Vegas; the rest of the family lives in other states. His siblings are throwing a big celebration for him. They scheduled it on a Tuesday night. The problem is, I have very little PTO, and I don’t think it’s fair that I have to take off work for a minimum of two days.
My siblings also have similar problems with their work, but they feel like they have no choice but to attend. I feel the party needs to be moved to a weekend; it’s the only logical solution and a way for everyone in the family to attend.
My father wants all of his children and grandchildren there and will be hurt if we don’t go. He says Vegas hotel rooms are cheaper during the week, so better for his retired siblings. I feel the party should accommodate all of his working children and grandchildren!
Should I hold my ground and not attend due to the inconvenient timing? Or cave to my siblings and use what little precious PTO I have?
— Birthday Woes
Dear Birthday: I haven’t been to a Tuesday night party since I was in college. I’m glad to hear I have more of them to look forward to later in life. That said: I think you should advocate for changing the date. While, in the long run, I don’t think you’d regret sacrificing PTO for an opportunity to be with family, there are potentially better solutions.
If the only objection to the weekend is the hotel rates, try looking into an Airbnb, VRBO, or other short-term rental that can accommodate the retired relatives (or even more of the family members). If ever there was a city that was adept at getting large groups in and out over a weekend, it’s Las Vegas. A rental might end up costing less than a hotel would. Staying together could also make for a fun family bonding experience. (That’s a big “could,” I know.)
The party is about making a special memory for your father, so the priority is making sure everyone is there. Removing barriers, both logistical and financial, is a way to keep everyone happy and keep the day focused on celebrating him.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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