Dear Eric: I live in a very rural and rather remote area where you can count “neighbors” on one hand. My husband and I made friends with one who lives about five miles away; we’re not “close” but she and I share a lot of common interests, have shared meals, house and pet sitting, etc.
Recently, I texted her and told her we were applying for a tax break based on how we use a portion of our land. While we have long used this parcel for this qualifying purpose, we never got around to applying for the tax benefit. The application requires an affidavit from an “uninterested third party” attesting that they have knowledge of how the land is being used. I asked said neighbor friend if she would fill out the affidavit for us, with us paying for the notary.
Her response was that she couldn’t lie. I was simultaneously confused and frankly offended but decided it was a misunderstanding. I responded that I would never ask her to lie and that we have been using this land consistently in this manner for years (something which we thought she knew). She didn’t respond.
I can’t shake the feeling of being offended and feel a shift in our relationship. But I’m afraid if I try to more forcefully state my position or ask her for more clarification, the conversation will turn sour, and she’ll feel pressured. I thought of sending the rules to her so she could clearly see we fall into it but don’t want to make her feel stupid, either.
Should we even bother trying to convince her that we’re not trying to rip off the government?
—Not a Liar
Dear Not a Liar: It’s probably best to find someone else to fill out your affidavit. Then, after it’s all settled, you can resurface the issue with your neighbor as a way of clearing the air. You may not convince her – and frankly it may not be worth trying to change her mind – but hopefully by restating the facts after all is said and done, you can put the matter to bed and your bruised feelings will be assuaged.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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