Dear Eric: My daughter will be 37 in a month, but has never been able to completely support herself. She has a degree from a good university, but is unable to keep a job for more than a year or so. She presently works as a restaurant hostess at a high-end restaurant. She has lived with her younger boyfriend for five years with no plans to marry. She has bipolar mental issues and has had substantial financial assistance from us all her adult life. When and how should we cut her off? Her boyfriend doesn’t help her financially. We fear she will fall apart and become homeless. What should we do or not do? We have had years of discussions with her about becoming financially responsible.
—A Worried Mom
Dear Mom: Cutting her off can look different depending on your goals and her goals. For instance, if your financial circumstances have changed and you simply can’t afford it, that process is going to be a lot faster than, say, weaning her off your financial assistance so as to help her get on her feet.
Hopefully, she has medical and psychological support for her bipolar disorder. This is a good place to start. Talk to her and her medical team about
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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