Dear Eric: My 15-year-old grandson moved in with me about seven months ago. We are fine together but his mom refuses to allow him to go to a “brick and mortar” school. He has Marfan Syndrome and must be careful of his heart. But he was removed from public school and really wants to be a more normal kid.
My daughter apparently gets her medical for her whole family covered under my grandson. She wrote to him saying if he goes to a school here where I live then he’d have to use my address and he’d be responsible for her dying, her dad going mental, and his older sister hemorrhaging all because they’d lose their medical if he lived with me.
My daughter says my grandson and I are both selfish to want his “social life” over his family’s health.
Might I add that there are four adults in the house and when my grandson was there, he slept in a closet! Is there any option besides turning her in to CPS?
—Protective Grandmother
Dear Protective Grandmother: It’s not clear to me what, if any, legal arrangements have been made so far regarding custody of your grandchild. That feels like an important factor here, considering he is living with you, and you’ll need to be responsible for many decisions regarding his care. Grandparents’ rights to visitation and custody vary by state. Start by familiarizing yourself with your state’s laws. See if filing for custody is something that you can do. It’s advisable to talk to a family law attorney, if you can. They’ll also be able to advise you about any stipulations regarding your grandson’s schooling and your current family arrangement.
It’s not appropriate for your daughter to make your grandson feel responsible for his family’s medical coverage. And I’m not certain how she’s pulling this off in the first place. Fraud (if it is fraud) would endanger your grandson’s medical coverage, too, so speaking with the insurance provider and clarifying what’s covered may also be an option for you, should you gain custody. Knowing your rights and responsibilities will better equip you to protect your grandson and set him up for success.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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