Dear Eric: My three daughters have grown children and celebrate their children’s birthdays by each family going out to dinner with its immediate members.
When my grandchildren were small, the families had at-home celebrations to which I was always invited. I miss those times, especially since I am no longer invited to the dinners, at which I would gladly pay for my meal. Is it too much to ask to be included in celebrating my grandchildren?
—Wants to celebrate
Dear Celebrate: It’s certainly not too much to ask. Now, forgive me for posing what might be a simplistic question, but have you asked if you can come along?
As your daughters shifted their families’ plans, it may not have occurred to them that you’d want to come, especially with a restaurant dinner being less of an event than, say, a themed party at the house with a 1-year-old smashing cake.
So, if you haven’t asked about attending, please do. It may even seem like a non-event for them, something you would be less inclined to join. I’d like to believe this is less a case of your daughters trying to exclude you and more a case of them trying to manage everyone’s wants.
If, however, you have asked about it and gotten a non-answer or been rebuffed, try to think of ways that you can create a memory with your grandchildren around the time of their birthdays that will be meaningful to you and to them. Maybe it’s a day out doing something, a visit, or something else that matches their individual personalities. Celebrations are what we make of them—they don’t have to be limited to a certain day or group.
When I was growing up, our family had a red plate that was, I believe, sold by mail and had “You are special today” printed on it. For birthdays, scholastic achievements, and other celebrations, my parents would bring out that red plate for me or my siblings.
Most of the time, we’d just have regular dinner on it, but to be the person eating off the “You are special today” plate felt so momentous and rare. As an adult, I still long for that thrill. See if you can find something simple but momentous and rare to share with your adult grandkids.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
