Dear Eric: My bestie is a modern-day pen pal. I know him only through social media, but we’ve had many fine chats over the last decade—until recently.
He lives in another country, where personal freedom is strongly protected. I recently told him how bad things are here in the US—not how bad they could be, but how bad they are. Troops in the street, politically motivated firings, racism, and more. He replied that he’s not interested in any news whatsoever.
My friend’s country was decimated during WWII, and my parents’ generation did not stand idly by. They fought to free his ancestors and help rebuild his nation, which is what I would do if this were happening to his country now.
I no longer have a desire to chat with him because I feel like he doesn’t care what happens to us. I don’t know whether to ghost him or explain why I am disengaging. I don’t think I can change his mind. He seems to be sincerely not interested. I’ve been stressing about this for days.
—Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Not caring about the news is a perverse kind of “luxury.” Not caring does not stop the news from happening to and around you. What’s that quote from one of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies? “You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You’re in one.” Pirates get it.
While I don’t think your friend’s stance is productive, it’s useful for you to think about what you really want from your friend. Are you looking for meaningful political action? Is there something he can do in his country that will directly impact what’s happening in the United States? Or do you want someone to commiserate and acknowledge the anxiety and uncertainty you’re feeling? I suspect it’s the latter. And, if so, you can tell him—“I’m feeling upset about the way the world’s working right now, and as a friend, I’d like for you to listen. Can you do that?”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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