Dear Annie: My husband and I have just returned from a driving trip in the Southwest. Several days ago, he was standing in a fast-food line when another man started a conversation with him. When the man asked, “where is home for you?” My husband responded by saying “Los Angeles.” The other man said, “I’m so sorry for you.”
This is not the first time we have received a negative reaction to our hometown. I have been seething ever since this happened and can’t get it out of my mind.
We have lived in a number of places during our 50-year marriage, and we choose to live in the Los Angeles area because we love it.
There are many places that I would not want to live but I would never mention that if I was in a conversation with a person from one of those places. How did our nation become so rude and who thinks it is all right to insult someone’s home? Please advise me on a polite response to this situation should it come up again (it will).
— Loving L.A.
Dear Loving: I agree; L.A. is great. But even if I didn’t agree, who cares what I or anyone else who doesn’t live there thinks? As a native Baltimorean, I’m very used to people responding to my hometown with grim assessments born out of overblown headlines, political point-scoring or just plain ignorance. My favorite retort comes from an essay in Samantha Irby’s latest collection, “Quietly Hostile.” She writes about a person who insisted on telling her that they didn’t like something she enjoyed. “I arranged my face into something resembling cheerfulness and said, in my highest octave, ‘I like it!’”
I love that. Simple, short, unarguable. What are they going to do, tell you you don’t like it?
When a random person tells you they’re “sorry” you live in L.A., they’re trying to goad you into a debate or shame you for your choices. Condolences rejected!
Refuse to take the bait and tell them “Well, I love it!” Sure, they can point out things that are wrong with the city, but you don’t have to get down in the conversational muck. You are at peace with your choice. You like it!
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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