Dear Eric: We are retired grandparents to 7-year-old twins who live close by. We are delighted to help with kiddo chauffeuring, grocery shopping, or anything else needed by two very hard-working parents.
Today, after dropping off groceries, my wife noted that the refrigerator, in her opinion, had an unpleasant odor and was very quick to share her opinion with my son-in-law. She is also rather critical of many of his habits. And her opinions are not without merit. But my mother always said, “less said, better mended.”
When I say to my wife, “too much mother-in-law,” I catch hell.
I think something has to be said to mend this or should I just go back to my corner?
—Too Many Opinions
Dear Opinions: It’s a shame we can’t get rich off people adding their two cents. But since no bank will accept opinions as currency, some change is warranted here.
Your son-in-law has to manage his relationship with you and your wife, so if he’s feeling chafed by her opinions, he’s got to learn how to say something. You’ve told your wife what you think. Now it’s fine to back off.
However, if you feel something needs to be mended in the larger relationship, it’s fine to talk it through with both members of the couple but loop your wife in first. This way it doesn’t seem to her like you’re talking behind her back.
It’s perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m uncomfortable with the way our relationship is playing out with our son-in-law. I’m going to talk to both of them about ways that they can feel better supported. You can come along if you want, but this is just for listening and for learning.” Sometimes we just need to be heard and understood. And, who knows – maybe they don’t notice the comments and just appreciate your help.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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