Dear Eric: My husband passed away 12 days ago after an extended illness. I have two step-kids. Two days after my husband died, one of the kids started asking for some of my husband’s belongings, then unveiled his plan to “help me build a house” on some vacant land I own to “fulfill my husband’s dream.” I was taken aback. I told him I was spent from taking care of my husband and am not making any decisions.
I’ve repeatedly told him since then that I’m not making any decisions for at least a year. He bad-mouths my deceased husband and is now giving me the silent treatment. I have told my other stepson and am not sure what they may have discussed. My patience is running out and I’m about to tell him off. How do I better handle this?
—Out of Patience
Dear Patience: I’m sorry about the loss of your husband. With regard to your stepson, stick to your guns. You’ve been clear about what you need and what your plan is, and your stepson’s refusal to accept that is either short-sighted or malicious. The best path forward may be to let him keep giving you the silent treatment because it, at least, keeps him out of your pocket. Engaging with him about this is only going to keep frustrating you at a time when you should have the space and support to grieve and to regroup.
He doesn’t get to make plans for you, and if he tries to insert himself, tell him you’re not discussing it and leave the space if you have to.
At a certain point, soon, you’ll also want to have a conversation with your accountant and/or lawyer to make sure things are as they should be. The fact that your stepson has designs on the land that you own is a red flag, so you’ll want to make sure you’re protected.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
