Dear Eric: Perhaps my problem stems from the fact that I am a mid-80s mom? A couple of years ago, our very responsible son asked if he could invite about 10 friends to our large lakeside cabin during our absence. There is plenty of room for all to sleep, a big kitchen, and boats, plus a nice lake for all to enjoy. We said fine.
Married and single people came. Ages ranged from a very young baby through people in their 50s. When my husband and I returned, there was no thank-you of any sort from anyone. I was offended.
My much-admired son says that my reaction is simply because of a generational difference: No one from his generation offers thanks for that sort of thing, and no one expects it. Is he right? If so, I am once again very disappointed. He wants to invite some of those people again soon. I’m not enthused. Am I too self-centered?
—Lake-en for Granted
Dear Lake-en for Granted: Wow! I don’t know who your son has been talking to or what his world looks like, but the words “thank you” have not been stricken from the English language. Moreover, no matter what a generation is or is not doing, he’s perfectly capable of expressing thanks. The offer of the house is very generous, and one would think that not only would your son feel motivated to express his gratitude, but his other guests would, too. How hard is it to leave a card on the counter or send a gift basket after the fact?
Circle back to the conversation you had with your son. He may have thought he was educating you on his generation, but what you failed to note was that you were expressing an expectation, an unmet need. What he should have said was, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what you needed to feel appreciated. I do appreciate it. Thank you.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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