Dear Eric: We have two adult sons, one married, one not. They have never sent us a Christmas gift over the past 15 years, and they both live far away. Daughter-in-law acts as if we don’t exist. Can we feel OK about not sending them a gift?
—Parents That Aren’t Acknowledged
Dear Parents: Yes. Gifts aren’t going to get you any closer to resolving what’s going on with your sons. I’d forgo gift-giving and try to have an open, honest conversation about your relationship.
Dear Eric: My 60-year-old son and his 89-year-old father (my ex) had a horrible verbal blow-up 10 months ago. They are both very strong-willed, and neither will talk or apologize. I have talked with both of them to no avail. Is there any chance this standoff can be resolved?
—Caught in the Middle
Dear Middle: There is a chance it can be resolved, but it all has to come from them. This can be hard to accept, as you have connections to both and presumably want the best for both of them. But they aren’t your responsibility. Focus on your relationship with your son and, if you have one, your relationship with your ex. They have to do the work of reconciling on their own. And if their blowup starts to infringe on your relationships with them, talk about that. You don’t have to suffer just because they’re not getting along.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
