Dear Eric: I’m a 61-year-old single man. I’m disabled and, until their passing, lived with my parents. About 25 years ago, my parents and I became friendly with a woman — I’ll call her “M” — and her husband, “P” through activities at our church.
After my father passed away, M invited me to lunch. She knew I was alone and grieving and kindly offered me some company. Over time, we met for lunch several times — sometimes just the two of us, other times with another church member, and on a few occasions with our pastor. P was always aware of these meetings and even joined us when he could. There was never any secrecy, and I have remained on good terms with P throughout.
The problem is that my girlfriend believes I had a romantic relationship with M. She has asked her friends for their opinion, and they agree with her. I’ve tried to explain that we are only friends and assure her that there was never anything romantic between M and me. We had very limited contact before my father’s passing and were never alone together until after his death. She regularly checks in on homebound members of the congregation, which is in keeping with her character and entirely voluntary role in the church community.
My girlfriend insists I write to you to ask for your opinion. Do you think it’s reasonable for her to believe I had a romantic relationship with M? Do you think most people would come to that conclusion?
—Not Guilty
Dear Not Guilty: From what I’m reading, not only is she accusing you of having feelings for M, but also of having a romantic relationship with her. That’s a big step, and it overlooks the traditions involved in visiting members of a church community who are homebound or grieving. This is a standard practice. One would hope your girlfriend would see the value of having connection and support during this difficult time.
I think jealousy might be playing too large a role. Your girlfriend should ask herself why she believes this, despite your insistence to the contrary. You both should discuss how you can move on with trust and open communication. If that’s not possible, it’s hard to continue building a relationship. If it didn’t happen and you say it didn’t happen, and she doesn’t believe you, I’m not sure you have many options here.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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