Dear Eric: Nine years ago, we moved into our dream retirement home. We’ve been incredibly happy with our choice except for one thing. Our next-door neighbors moved in about a year after we did. The previous owners of their home had installed a large homemade sandbox with railroad ties and a plywood covering. We never saw their kids play in it and had high hopes that the new homeowners would quickly do away with the eyesore of this “sandbox.”
Eight years later, it is still there, the plywood covering is caving in, and it is quite visible from our dining and living room windows. I’ve been tempted many times over the years to say something, but have chosen not to.
We have a good relationship with our neighbors and we’ve been very good neighbors, helping them in many ways, over the years. After all these years of looking at the sandbox, I’m having a lot of resentment that they’ve done nothing to get rid of it. We do not have an HOA. It is their property, I understand, but is there any way I can approach them and ask them to get rid of it? My fear is that asking them to remove it would be crossing a line.
— Sight for Sore Eyes
Dear Eyes: Well, first, the part you already know: even the best of neighbors are unlikely to make changes to their property to improve the views of the people next door. If it’s not bothering your neighbors or seems like too big a hassle to remove, they’re probably not thinking about what it looks like from your windows.
This is OK. People have all kinds of reasons for making improvements to their homes or not making them. Try to temper your resentment by remembering that the lingering presence of the sandbox is not about you.
However, since you have a good relationship with them, you can bring it up in casual conversation without making an ask. You can mention you’ve noticed it’s looking worse for wear and ask if they’ve ever considered getting rid of it. If they’re open to it, you might even offer suggestions about what goes in its place. By talking to them about it in this way, you keep the focus on what they want rather than what you want. Who knows, maybe you both want the same thing, and they just haven’t gotten around to doing anything about it. What you don’t want is for them to think of your frustration every time they look at the sandbox. Rather, through conversation, they might start to see it as an opportunity for something new.,
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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