Asking Eric: My mother-in-law steals from us — what can I do?

Dear Eric: We have a super bad case of favoritism in my husband’s family. He is the eldest and was passed over by his mother, giving every valuable item to her second son. My mother-in-law made a terrible show of slam-dunking her nicer silver on the younger brother as if to say my husband did not qualify for it somehow.

The result has been that I established my own serving items despite feeling ripped off on the traditional silver heirlooms we had been promised. Our problem is that his mother has become a thief and cheers herself up by stealing from us. She makes it clear that she perceives herself as judge and jury: we didn’t deserve her passalongs, and now we don’t deserve our own store-bought items.

How does one deal with a rotten egg like this? She doesn’t want us (or me, as the unworthy daughter-in-law) to have a sou! We are taking precautions against financial/identity theft. We should be able to enjoy our consolation silver however we want without nailing it down.

— Silver for Spite

Dear Silver: I don’t want to sound trite here, but your best solution is only to eat out at restaurants with your mother-in-law. That way, if she’s stealing, it’s not from you (and I doubt a restaurant manager is going to let her go scot-free).

Sometimes we’re powerless against family toxicity, and so the best course of action is setting a boundary. Often, those boundaries are emotional, but I think physical boundaries are also useful here. Your mother-in-law is not only creating emotional chaos in the family, but she’s committing crimes in your home. Don’t give her the opportunity. As with any other hostage-taker, emotional or otherwise, sometimes the best meeting place is a neutral one.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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