Dear Eric: My brother and I are both in our late 60s. We’re close, and I consider his wife a good friend of mine. I discovered that my brother is engaging in some pretty questionable interactions on the social feed Threads. He’s been replying to quite a few posts by barely clothed women, complimenting them, saying he would like to date them, and asking them to DM him. Putting ethics aside, I am concerned that these posts will somehow reach his wife, or his two adult children. I know my sister-in-law would be pretty upset by seeing what her husband does online. Should I tell my brother that I’ve seen these posts on Threads, and tell him that these posts are visible to each and every “follower” of his on Threads? He’s fairly naive when it comes to digital privacy and may be operating under the impression that his friends do not see his interactions with these women.
— Worried Sister
Dear Sister: Oh dear, you pull this thread and who knows what will unravel. But you should tell him. And tell him to knock it off.
Dear Eric: A few years ago, we started seeing old friends. We meet them once a month for dinner. After a month or two, the wife started calling me every two weeks on the same day and time. We have come to realize that they are both self-centered people who go on and on about themselves. I can take the dinner, but I am tired of the phone calls. I have made excuses for the times that she was calling but she keeps trying new times. How can I get her to stop calling?
— Hung Up
Dear Hung Up: You need to put yourself on a one-person Do Not Call list. Tell her, “I notice we’ve fallen into a pattern of regular phone calls, but I find that that’s not working for me. Let’s catch up at dinner instead.”
You are not required to enjoy talking on the phone.
One last thing. It sounds from your letter that you’re putting up with these dinners rather than enjoying them. Ask yourself if this is really the way you want to spend your time. It’s OK for friendships to grow, change, and, at times, fade.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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