Asking Eric: My husband’s singing is ruining my love for music

Dear Eric: My husband sings at the top of his lungs to any song that is playing in a movie, commercial, or in the car. It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. I’ve tried telling him, but he takes offense. He claims everyone says he has perfect pitch (he doesn’t), and it often leads to serious discord.

I’ve explained that it takes me out of the moment and is overstimulating for me.

His family tells him he has a beautiful voice. They also sing loudly and whistle out of key. It’s murder on my brain. Recently, I’ve started telling everyone that I don’t like music and I don’t care for it in the background.

I’m not embarrassed — it literally hurts my ears.

I realize it brings them joy, but how much joy do I tolerate at my discomfort?

I used to love music, but now I hate it. This change gives me guilt, as if I’m not a good wife if I enjoy music without his “contribution.”

Leaving isn’t a solution. We don’t have many rooms, and I care most about his feelings.

Am I wrong for not wanting my ears invaded while still wanting to love and respect him?

— Sound Off

Dear Sound Off: You’re working hard to consider your husband’s feelings, yet he’s dismissing yours. That’s unfair. He can’t help his family traditions, and neither can you control how it affects you. Marriage requires communication and compromise, and I’m not seeing enough of either from him here.

Consider speaking to your doctor about your response to his singing. You might be experiencing sensory overload, a common issue for many, influenced by various factors. Noise-canceling or noise-reducing earbuds might help, but your husband must also respect you and your shared space.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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