Ask Eric: My husband of more than 20 years gives me slipper socks with grippy soles. I hate them! We live in a hot climate, so I have little use for them. They filled up my sock drawer, and they retraumatize me every time I touch them.
I threw them away, and they came back. He gave me five more pairs at Christmas. I kept these for animal first aid.
I cannot be cool about these socks. They remind me of the horrible time I had in the hospital having emergency surgery. My husband couldn’t even manage to hug me or talk with me before my surgery. The socks are synthetic, so I cannot even use them to polish the furniture.
I’m trying very hard to be graceful and grateful for any gift from my husband, but I want to throw these at him. He knows darn well I dislike them, but has given them repeatedly to me. They can’t be worn with shoes or out in public. I have to use my good fabric shears to slice them up, or he will “rescue them” from the garbage. Is there a graceful way to handle the next installment of fluffy grippy socks? I tried to no avail, telling him I get my grippy socks the old-fashioned way – at the hospital, in person!
— Sock Drawer Full
Dear Sock Drawer: I’ll admit, I can’t make heads or feet of these gifts. Why do these socks have such a grip on your husband? Sometimes loved ones fall into familiar gift patterns because they’re easy or make shopping less stressful. Like the uncle or cousin who always gives elephant figurines because a loved one once said, “I like elephants.”
Thing is: you’ve said you absolutely do not like grippy socks and don’t have a use for them. So, not only is your husband not listening, but he seems dead set on foisting them upon you. The trash rescue is bizarre.
I know you’ve told him “no more grippy socks, I can’t even dust with them,” but it may be necessary to have an even more direct conversation. A lint-tervention? (Not my best work!)
Tell him, “I appreciate that you want to give me gifts, but these socks remind me of a bad time in my life. I’ve communicated with you that the impact is not matching your intention. Can you explain why you keep giving them to me?” Or more plainly, “What are the socks really about?”
He may say, “It’s not that deep.” Fine and dandy, but if it’s not that deep, then it should be easy enough for him to leave this practice behind, like the sock that disappears in the dryer, and find a new way to show his love. You might even offer him an alternative. How do you feel about elephant figurines?
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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